Bernadette: You know, you're a successful woman. You should be able to brag about your accomplishments once in a while.
Amy: Well, so should you. I mean, the guys are never shy about bragging.
Bernadette: Tell me about it. Howie texts me every time his dog levels up in Warcraft.

Amy: I think you'd be great at that. Don't you agree, Bernadette?
Bernadette: Huh? I'm listening. I'm listening. I'm not watching The Crown.

Bernadette: Oh, look. The teddy bear Stuart won the night we took him to the fair.
Howard: Oh, he was so excited.
Bernadette: Yeah. You know, no matter how hard they tried, they could not guess his age.

Bernadette: I don't even know where to begin.
Raj: Well, in The Sound of Music, Julie Andrews says, "Let's start at the very beginning. A very good place to start."
Bernadette: Oh, I was gonna start at the end. Thank God you're here.

Bernadette: Hey, what are you two doing here?
Ruchi: We won't stay long. I just wanted to drop something off from me and the girls at work.
Bernadette: None of the girls at work like me enough to get me a gift.
Ruchi: Okay, so you'll know why everyone at the office has the same handwriting.

Bernadette: Don't listen to him. All she's got is a serve. Now grab a fresh tampon and put her away.

Amy: Don't you want a little version of Howard?
Bernadette: I already have a little version of Howard.

Stuart: (Storming into Howard and Bernadette's room with a baseball bat) Not on my watch!
Bernadette: It's fine. It's just Raj. You can hit him with the bat, but it's fine.

Leonard: It looks like they're having a nice time. I wish I could hear what they're saying.
Bernadette: Yeah, I should've brought my parabolic microphone.
Penny: Your what?
Bernadette: Nothing. Not important.

Bernadette: Well, she's nine months old, so unless it jingles or is in my bra, she doesn't care.

Amy: I'm just saying that my research may actually change the world forever.
Bernadette: I hope it does. 'Cause I'm going to see that world from a yacht so big you could land a helicopter on it!

Howard: It feels like it wasn't that long ago we were here doing this for Halley.
Bernadette: 'Cause it wasn't. Which reminds me, before we leave, let's get you a vasectomy.
Howard: Oh, that's sweet, but today is all about you.

Bernadette: All right. Let's start over. I'm redecorating. The furniture, the carpeting, the walls. I'm changing everything that depresses me when I look at it. Try not to be one of those things.

Amy: So, what are we watching?
Bernadette: Bob the Builder. I'll catch you up. That one's Bob. He's a builder.
Amy: Isn't this a kids show?
Bernadette: It's what we watch in this house. Bob the Builder, Dinosaur Train, and Peppa Pig, which is both funny and meaningful.

Bernadette: This wasn't supposed to happen. We were careful.
Penny: Yeah, I didn't even think you could get pregnant while you were breastfeeding.
Bernadette: Well, guess what? You can!