Bernadette: That bitch.
Howard: Oh, come on, he means well. He's just trying to impress his girlfriend.
Bernadette: I'm talking about Ruchi. She's after my job. Why do you think she said, "Take all the time you need"?
Howard: Because she was being nice?
Bernadette: No, she's trying to steal my projects while I'm at home taking care of this useless plant and my dumb family.

Bernadette: Hey, what are you two doing here?
Ruchi: We won't stay long. I just wanted to drop something off from me and the girls at work.
Bernadette: None of the girls at work like me enough to get me a gift.
Ruchi: Okay, so you'll know why everyone at the office has the same handwriting.

Howard: I'm only saying this because I love you and because you can't reach me from that bed, but you sound a little crazy.
Bernadette: I love you, too, but I could fling this card in your eye like a ninja throwing star.
Howard: I don't believe you. (covers his eyes and backs out of the room)

Bernadette: So you're not gonna see her again?
Raj: What's the point? We're never gonna be in a real relationship.
Howard: Right, so you'll only be in a physical one?
Raj: Exactly. Why would I want to spend time with someone like that?
Howard: Someone who is just interested in sex?
Raj: Yeah.
Bernadette: Raj, do you real-
Howard: Whoa, hold on. Give him a chance. He's gonna get this. (Raj staring blankly)
Bernadette: I don't think he is.

Raj: I mean, Ruchi's nice. We're just so different.
Howard: I know. Sometimes when you're dating, you meet weird people.
Bernadette: I once met a girl who didn't like juggling. And she still doesn't.

Howard: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Raj: Really hurts, huh?
Bernadette: No. He's just saying, "Ow can these prices be so low?".

Bernadette: Where are you going?
Howard: Gift shop.
Bernadette: There is no gift shop. Sit down.

Howard: You're my wife. You're supposed to be on my side.
Bernadette: I'm always on your side.
Howard: Then why are you trying to take this away from me? Being an astronaut is the coolest thing I'm ever gonna do. If I stop talking about it, then I'm just...
Bernadette: Just what?
Howard: Just plain old Howard Wolowitz again.
Bernadette: Plain old Howard Wolowitz is the best guy I know.
Howard: You're just saying that.
Bernadette: No, I'm not. I married him. On purpose. Come here.
Howard: I love you.
Bernadette: I love you, too.

Bernadette: How do I look?
Howard: Fine.
Bernadette: Uh-oh, is someone a little blue? Come on, Howie, thats like the funniest thing I've ever said in my life.

Howard: To tell you the truth, I'm not really in the mood.
Bernadette: What are you talking about? It'll be fun. All your friends'll be there.
Howard: Yeah, some friends. They all think I'm boring. Maybe you should go without me.
Bernadette: No, if I'm there alone, people might think I'm just a really short person from Avatar.

Howard: I'm sorry. I just don't want to go.
Bernadette: Hey, I just spent the last three hours colouring myself blue. I'm gonna be washing paint out of my Smurf for a month!

Howard: Boy, it's nice to sleep in a bed with gravity again. Did I tell you about the night my retainer floated out of my mouth and into the air lock?
Bernadette: Yeah, you mentioned it once or twice.

Bernadette: At least he can still clean the oven, so that's something.
Sheldon: Oh, that's what he thinks. Where's your steel wool?
Bernadette: (picks it up from her lap) Right here.
Sheldon: We make quite the team.
Bernadette: Sure do!

Sheldon: And now they're working on a Saturday? Can you believe them? Like, is this how you envisioned your weekend?
Bernadette: No, it is not.

Raj: I came to see how you were doing. Like, uh, do you need help with anything?
Bernadette: Oh, thank you. There are a few things around the house that I've been waiting for Howard to get to. The smoke alarms-
Raj: No, I meant emotionally. How are you feeling?
Bernadette: Like you're not really here to help me.