Bernadette: I'm surprised Sheldon's not up here playing with all your new toys.
Amy: Actually, I haven't told him about it. We've been getting so much more funding than physics, he's been a little sensitive.
Bernadette: So you're just gonna hide your success from him?
Amy: I know. Am I terrible?
Bernadette: No. I do that, too! Howie thought my company retreat was in Boise? It was in Tahiti.

Amy: That's such a relief. I mean, part of me was worried I was being unfair to Sheldon.
Bernadette: Take that part of yourself and hide it away. Just like I did with last year's bonus check that I didn't get.

Bernadette: You know, you're a successful woman. You should be able to brag about your accomplishments once in a while.
Amy: Well, so should you. I mean, the guys are never shy about bragging.
Bernadette: Tell me about it. Howie texts me every time his dog levels up in Warcraft.

Bernadette: This wasn't supposed to happen. We were careful.
Penny: Yeah, I didn't even think you could get pregnant while you were breastfeeding.
Bernadette: Well, guess what? You can!

Penny: Do you think living with Amy has somehow stirred up Sheldon's sexual appetite?
Bernadette: (grimacing with disgust) Ugh. How can you think that? Why would you even put those words together?

Penny: We thought you meant not letting him run out into traffic.
Bernadette: Which he only did once.

Penny: Do you really think there's reason to worry?
Leonard: Yeah, she's definitely going after Sheldon.
Raj: I made a play for her and she shot me down.
Penny: All right, well, that doesn't prove anything.
Bernadette: Yeah, there's a million reasons a woman would shoot Raj down.
Raj: Like, really, a million?
Bernadette: Fine, hundreds.
Raj: Thank you.

Penny: Will you go with me?
Bernadette: To do what? Shake a can of nickels at them?

Bernadette: I don't know if you realize this, but whenever you're between projects, you tend to get a little insecure.
Howard: Oh.
Bernadette: A little clingy.
Howard: I know and I'm sorry. (starts kissing her)
Bernadette: Oh, oh, oh, okay, stop. Stop. I love when you're affectionate, but this is not coming from a good place.
Howard: (laughing) Well, excuse me, but what did you do when you worked on that allergy drug for two years and the FDA shut down your project?
Bernadette: I signed us up for ballroom dance class.
Howard: Okay, and what did you do when they took you off the anti-fungal team?
Bernadette: I made us have a baby.

Bernadette: Well, distance might be nice. The last time a big project ended for Howie, he wouldn't stop following me around. He even went with me to get a mammogram.
Penny: Well, what's wrong with that?
Bernadette: No, he wanted to get one with me, like some kind of weird couple's massage.
Penny: And yet you bore his child. Neato.

Penny: You want food?
Bernadette: Yeah, breastfeeding burns, like, 5,000 calories a day. (To Amy) Do not touch that phone!

Bernadette: So you wanted to learn something physical and you came to Howard Wolowitz?

Penny: So he's my ex-boyfriend, who cares? I can't believe Leonard would be so insecure.
Bernadette: Really? I have no trouble believing that at all.
Penny: And Zack's engaged. Leonard has no reason to feel threatened.
Bernadette: We're talking about the same Leonard, right?

Bernadette: And I'd like to think Howie wouldn't take a job I was uncomfortable with.
Penny: 'Cause he's scared of you?
Bernadette: Terrified.
Penny: Yeah.

Howard: Oh, and I'm a dork for juggling.
Bernadette: Sorry, you're not a dork. (Southern accent): You're a clown. (Regular voice): Tammy Jo, don't say that, you'll make him feel bad. (Southern accent): Look at him, what reason he got to feel good?
Howard: All right, very funny.
Bernadette: Don't listen to her, she's been in a box for, like, 25 years. (chuckles) (Southern accent) Yeah, back when his haircut was fashionable.