Howard: She was talking about me, Sheldon. I'm perfectly qualified.
Bernadette: Yeah, Howie's the world's best engineer. It says so right on his coffee mug.
Penny: Aw, you got him a mug?
Raj: I did. But it's not a competition.
Bernadette: Yeah, I lost that battle years ago.

Amy: Don't you want a little version of Howard?
Bernadette: I already have a little version of Howard.

Howard: It feels like it wasn't that long ago we were here doing this for Halley.
Bernadette: 'Cause it wasn't. Which reminds me, before we leave, let's get you a vasectomy.
Howard: Oh, that's sweet, but today is all about you.

Stuart: And, you know, Raj, I think it's great that you no longer live off your parents like a spoiled child. You live over someone's garage like a failed adult.
Raj: Yeah, well, you live with her.
Bernadette: Oh, it's not like that. He rents a room from me and my husband. Who, by the way, is no prize, either.

Raj: Hello. Rajesh.
Stuart: Stuart.
Ruchi: Hi. Ruchi.
Bernadette: Ruchi is my coworker. But that was probably in your briefing packet.

Ruchi: Well, moving to a new city was a little scary, but the job seems great. Everyone's really nice.
Bernadette: Oh, they are. Super nice. I mean, only one of them took you out tonight, but it's not a competition.

Raj: Bernie!
Bernadette: Oh, damn.
Stuart: Hey! What are the odds?
Bernadette: Yeah, seren-frickin'-dipity.

Howard: Is she single?
Bernadette: I'm not setting her up with Raj.
Howard: What about Stuart?
Bernadette: Are you listening? I want her to think I'm not mean.
Howard: Okay. Well, it's just we have two single friends.
Bernadette: Howie, I just met this woman. Why don't I wait a little and get to know her? Maybe I won't like her, and then I'd be happy to ruin her life with Stuart or Raj.
Howard: That's all I ask.

Bernadette: Hey, just a reminder, I'm going out for drinks after work.
Howard: Oh. Great. Just a reminder, you're pregnant.
Bernadette: I'm not drinking, just taking a new coworker out.
Howard: Oh. Just a reminder, you're married.
Bernadette: Female coworker. She's new in town, and I want to make her feel welcome. And let her know the office is full of liars before everyone tells her I'm mean.

Amy: We just need a weekend date that's completely boring and uneventful.
Bernadette: Too bad you didn't get your ducks in a row, 'cause tonight would have been perfect.

Bernadette: You know, you're a successful woman. You should be able to brag about your accomplishments once in a while.
Amy: Well, so should you. I mean, the guys are never shy about bragging.
Bernadette: Tell me about it. Howie texts me every time his dog levels up in Warcraft.

Amy: That's such a relief. I mean, part of me was worried I was being unfair to Sheldon.
Bernadette: Take that part of yourself and hide it away. Just like I did with last year's bonus check that I didn't get.

Bernadette: I'm surprised Sheldon's not up here playing with all your new toys.
Amy: Actually, I haven't told him about it. We've been getting so much more funding than physics, he's been a little sensitive.
Bernadette: So you're just gonna hide your success from him?
Amy: I know. Am I terrible?
Bernadette: No. I do that, too! Howie thought my company retreat was in Boise? It was in Tahiti.

Penny: So what's the thanks I get for turning Leonard into quality boyfriend material? I have to tiptoe around his new girlfriend.
Amy: I think you're on.
Bernadette: Oh. That bitch!

Penny: Did you know last weekend Priya took Leonard rollerblading at the beach? Can you believe that?
Bernadette: I feel like I'm supposed to say that bitch, but I don't have enough information.
Penny: I am the one who spent two years trying to get him to even go to the beach in the first place. And he was so phobic about stepping on medical waste, I had to carry him to the water.
Bernadette: I took Howard to the beach once. He almost burst into flames like a vampire.