Bernadette: Whoa, Drinky Smurf.

Bernadette: What the hell is that?
Howard: Come on, you know this one. It's a dog. I found him in the backyard. And don't worry, I already called the owner.
Bernadette: Good, 'cause we don't need a dog. We already have two babies, you and Stuart.

Raj: Oh, oh! Let's play William Tell. I'll put this bowl on my head. See if you can knock it off without hitting me.
Howard: You read my mind.
Bernadette: What are you doing?
Howard: Either breaking a bowl or breaking Raj's head.
Bernadette: Be careful, they don't make that bowl anymore.

Bernadette: Oh, don't waste your time. His name is Danny. He works for one of the other drug companies.
Danny: Hey, nothing wrong with checking out the competition.
Bernadette: Aw, we don't see you as competition.
Danny: You should. Our anti-inflammatory is hitting the market this year, too.
Penny: Well, ours has zero drug interaction risk.
Danny: Yeah. So does an Altoid.
Bernadette: Speaking of Altoids, why don't you go get one?

Howard: That's great, now they know where I live.
Raj: What are you talking about? They've always known where you live.
Bernadette: Yeah, if you want to go off the grid, you have to move out of your mother's house.

Amy: Sheldon, what are you doing?
Sheldon: I am decoding Dr. Wolcott's letter using this book as the key. Aren't conversations more fun when they're in code?
Bernadette: Yes. But I'm using a code where "yes" means "no."

Bernadette: Remember, I'm leaving you with two babies. I expect to see two babies when I get back, and they better be the same two babies because I'll know.

Amy: You're right. We both do important work. I'm trying to map the structures of the brain and you're trying to convince people that itchy hair is a real thing.
Bernadette: It is a real thing! It happens to be a side effect of our cholesterol drug.

Amy: What? This is my bachelorette party, tea and quilts?
Penny: Well, you said you didn't want anything crazy.
Amy: Yes, but I said it like, "I don't want anything crazy." Which clearly means I wanted something crazy. I mean, is this how boring you think I am?
Bernadette: Penny, she asked you a question.

Howard: Okay, I see what you're getting at. How about this weekend I'll box up all my things and move them to our place.
Bernadette: Thank you.
Howard: The lightsabres are gonna look great in the living room.
Bernadette: Or in the closet. We can decide later.

Bernadette: So, is there anything I can do to help you with the move tomorrow?
Howard: Now that you mention it, I was thinking tomorrow might not be great.
Bernadette: What's your excuse this time?
Howard: No excuse. It's just, you know, I'm Jewish, and technically, we're not supposed to drive or carry anything on the Sabbath. So this one's on God.
Bernadette: That might be a little more convincing if you didn't have a mouthful of bacon cheeseburger.

Bernadette: Aw, she'll be okay. She's a grown woman.
Howard: I know. It's just ever since my dad left, I've felt responsible for her.
Bernadette: That's a lot for a kid to deal with.
Howard: She was just so sad all the time. I was the only person who could cheer her up. Well, me and Ben and Jerry.
Bernadette: She's lucky you were there.
Howard: You know, she's why I first got into magic. I would do little shows for her, hang up a bedsheet like it was a curtain, put on a top hat and cape. And part way through the act, I would say I needed a volunteer from the audience to be my beautiful assistant and invite her up on stage. I can still remember the way she'd smile. For a few minutes, she'd forget how lonely she was.
Bernadette: Aw, crap. Let's go.
Howard: Where we going?
Bernadette: Grab a box. We'll sleep at your mother's place tonight.
Howard: No, but I want to live here.
Bernadette: Well, you should've thought of that before you told me the stupid magic trick story.

Bernadette: She can get into any restaurant, but the best husband she can find is Raj?

Bernadette: I'm pumping!
Penny: It's Penny.
Bernadette: Oh, come in.
Penny: I thought you were pumping.
Bernadette: I thought you were my boss.

Amy: Well, when we were going through security, I got pulled out of line for a pat-down. The TSA agent got a little handsy. I may have broken her nose with my elbow.
Bernadette: Long story short, she's on the No Fly List and we might have been followed here by a drone.