Bernadette: I don't know if you realize this, but whenever you're between projects, you tend to get a little insecure.
Howard: Oh.
Bernadette: A little clingy.
Howard: I know and I'm sorry. (starts kissing her)
Bernadette: Oh, oh, oh, okay, stop. Stop. I love when you're affectionate, but this is not coming from a good place.
Howard: (laughing) Well, excuse me, but what did you do when you worked on that allergy drug for two years and the FDA shut down your project?
Bernadette: I signed us up for ballroom dance class.
Howard: Okay, and what did you do when they took you off the anti-fungal team?
Bernadette: I made us have a baby.

Amy: You're right. We both do important work. I'm trying to map the structures of the brain and you're trying to convince people that itchy hair is a real thing.
Bernadette: It is a real thing! It happens to be a side effect of our cholesterol drug.

Howard: I'm only saying this because I love you and because you can't reach me from that bed, but you sound a little crazy.
Bernadette: I love you, too, but I could fling this card in your eye like a ninja throwing star.
Howard: I don't believe you. (covers his eyes and backs out of the room)

Bernadette: If you really want to help, put on a rubber glove, reach on up there and start pulling.
Penny: I know you're joking, but I grew up on a farm. I'll do it.

Sheldon: So, listen, I have a secret that I need to tell someone. But you can never say a word. Not even to Howard.
Bernadette: I'm your girl. Lay it on me.
Sheldon: Really? You keep things from your husband?
Bernadette: No, I tell him everything. Don't be a child.

Bernadette: When I went by the office they gave me coffee and cookies and no one peed on me. I miss that so much.

Bernadette: Howie? Howie, wake up. It's time.
Howard: Oh. Did your water break?
Bernadette: No.
Howard: Are you feeling any contractions?
Bernadette: No.
Howard: Wait. Well, where are you going?
Bernadette: To the hospital. Today's my due date, and this crap needs to end now.

Penny: Okay, we go down and back up. ... And back up!
Bernadette: Yeah, hearing you is not the problem.

Bernadette: Come on, baby. Get out here right now and I'll buy you a pony.

Howard: Michael? Really, you think we're naming him Michael?
Bernadette: Not now, Howard. I'm in the middle of a game.

Howard: [entering the kitchen] I can't believe you're trying to hijack our son's name. [looking for Bernadette] Bernie?
Bernadette: This is as fast as I move! Calm down!

Bernadette: What's wrong with Michael? It's my dad's name.
Howard: I don't want to name our son after your father.
Bernadette: I didn't want to say this, but he's dying.
Howard: He is?
Bernadette: Eventually. I mean, you see the way the man eats.
Howard: Okay, is this the hormones, or have you always been a lunatic?
Bernadette: I don't even know anymore.

Bernadette: Okay, if it's not Michael, then what do you want to name him?
Howard: Harry, like Potter or Houdini.
Bernadette: It doesn't bother you that I have an old boyfriend named Harry?
Howard: Okay. How 'bout Al or Max or Ted or Kevin?
Bernadette: Same answer.

Bernadette: What about Paul?
Howard: Paul. Paul Wolowitz.
Raj: I like it. Ooh, like "Koothra-Paul-i."
Bernadette: Okay, you ruined it.

Bernadette: I'm sorry I tried to sneak the name past you.
Howard: That's okay.
Bernadette: I'm sorry I used up so many good names in college. I was really competitive with my roommate.
Howard: Forget about it. Please.