Howard: So, my incredible wife has some exciting news.
Bernadette: Howie, stop. I don't want to brag.
Howard: Oh, okay, sorry.
Bernadette: Really? No one's gonna ask?
Leonard: Sorry. What's your news?
Bernadette: The drug I've been working on for the past five years just got approved by the FDA.
Penny: Wow.
Raj: Oh, congratulations. Was that the decongestant you developed?
Bernadette: No, we had to rebrand that as a solvent for mining equipment.

Penny: Plus, you know, I didn't go to college. I'd be in charge of people that are far more educated with more experience; what if they don't listen to me?
Bernadette: Then you be really mean to them. Have I taught you nothing?

Bernadette: I can't believe Penny doesn't want to head up my sales team.
Raj: That's too bad. But it's her decision, not yours.
Bernadette: Do you hear how dumb you sound?

Howard: Why does this matter to you so much?
Bernadette: Because I believe in her, and I make people better. It's what I do.
Raj: Against their will?
Bernadette: It's no fun if they want to. That's just called watching.

Howard: Wait, so what are you gonna do? Just badger her until she says yes?
Bernadette: Mm, that may have worked on you, but she's too smart for that.

Raj: Well, if you like fixing people, I could use some help.
Bernadette: Raj. Why do you think you stopped wearing Crocs and socks?
Raj: Uh, well, one day I just woke up and realized they looked silly.
Bernadette: Yes, you did. All on your own. (whispering): That's how good I am.

Penny: Hey. How long have you been sitting there?
Bernadette: Long enough for two of your neighbors to ask if I was lost and looking for my mother.

Bernadette: Oh. That is bright!
Howard: Yeah, a new neighbor put in floodlights.
Bernadette: Huh.
Howard: So, shall we?
Bernadette: No. I don't want to take my robe off under a spotlight. This is a candle body.

Howard: This is just delightful.
Bernadette: Do you think he knows we're the ones that got him in trouble?
Howard: Who cares?
Bernadette: I do. I met his wife. She seems really nice.
Andy: Sorry about the noise, neighbor!
Howard: No problem!
Andy: Hey, you guys know a Sheldon Cooper?!
Bernadette: No, we do not!

Howard: Not to brag, but I'm an astronaut, so I've been weightless before. Can be pretty scary.
Bernadette: Please, I'm, like, 90 pounds. I'm weightless every time I hold more than three balloons.

Bernadette: Remember, I'm leaving you with two babies. I expect to see two babies when I get back, and they better be the same two babies because I'll know.

Bernadette: Oh, don't waste your time. His name is Danny. He works for one of the other drug companies.
Danny: Hey, nothing wrong with checking out the competition.
Bernadette: Aw, we don't see you as competition.
Danny: You should. Our anti-inflammatory is hitting the market this year, too.
Penny: Well, ours has zero drug interaction risk.
Danny: Yeah. So does an Altoid.
Bernadette: Speaking of Altoids, why don't you go get one?

Penny: Hey, I thought we weren't supposed to have our phones in the booth.
Bernadette: That's a "you" rule, not a "me" rule.

Bernadette: Hey, what you got there?
Howard: Oh. [stammers] Just tossing out this old helmet I don't need. I thought you were at the park.
Bernadette: We were. The kids got sleepy.
Howard: Great story. I need to make a phone call.
Bernadette: Howard, why do you look all guilty? Like when I catch you deleting your browser history?

Bernadette: I can't believe you were sneaking around my back like a child.
Howard: I just didn't want you to worry.
Bernadette: No, you just didn't want to get caught.
Howard: I'm sorry, but you telling me what I can and can't do is pretty damn emasculating.
Bernadette: Emasculating? You were about to ride bitch on a moped with another man.