Bernadette: Which guy?
Penny: That one.
Bernadette: Abracadabra.

Amy: Outstanding. And if we fail, we can always stop at CVS and pick you out a nice toothbrush. I call mine Gerard.
Bernadette: That's a bit sad.

Stuart: Well, that's it.
Bernadette: I guess so.
Stuart: This is weird.
Howard: Yeah, a grown man moving into his own apartment. Crazy times. See ya!
Bernadette: Ignore him. He's just using humor to express how ... happy he is.
Stuart: It's okay. I know he loves me.
Bernadette: Sure he does.

Bernadette: Yeah, it's all real exciting.
Penny: Are-are you not happy about this?
Bernadette: I am. Of course I am. I'm sure it's just the hormones. But it's weird. Howie's the one who's been talking about having kids for years, and I was all excited to tell him because I thought he'd be thrilled, but then he started to flip out and now this feels like a bad idea and I'm gonna get fat.
Penny: No, no, come on. Come on, you're not gonna get fat. You're gonna be beautiful and glowing and have the cutest little baby bump ever.
Bernadette: Easy for you to say, skinny bitch.

Amy: Yeah, you've got that. I've got my integrity. Hard to say which one is better without making you feel bad. I may not be making as much money as you, but at least I'm doing something that I know makes people's lives better.
Bernadette: Hey! My work makes peoples lives better. Especially if you have moderate to severe eczema and don't mind if you lose teeth.

Howard: Is she single?
Bernadette: I'm not setting her up with Raj.
Howard: What about Stuart?
Bernadette: Are you listening? I want her to think I'm not mean.
Howard: Okay. Well, it's just we have two single friends.
Bernadette: Howie, I just met this woman. Why don't I wait a little and get to know her? Maybe I won't like her, and then I'd be happy to ruin her life with Stuart or Raj.
Howard: That's all I ask.

Stuart: And, you know, Raj, I think it's great that you no longer live off your parents like a spoiled child. You live over someone's garage like a failed adult.
Raj: Yeah, well, you live with her.
Bernadette: Oh, it's not like that. He rents a room from me and my husband. Who, by the way, is no prize, either.

Bernadette: So you'll coach me?
Denise: Sure. Now let me ask you a question. Howard. Why?
Bernadette: You got eyes. What do you think?

Penny: You threatened to sue?
Bernadette: Hey, I learned a long time ago, when you're four feet eleven and eye level with every guy's crotch, that's where you punch.
Penny: That's funny. I learned something totally different.

Bernadette: Hey, just a reminder, I'm going out for drinks after work.
Howard: Oh. Great. Just a reminder, you're pregnant.
Bernadette: I'm not drinking, just taking a new coworker out.
Howard: Oh. Just a reminder, you're married.
Bernadette: Female coworker. She's new in town, and I want to make her feel welcome. And let her know the office is full of liars before everyone tells her I'm mean.

Bernadette: You're going to be fine. You survived that Weight Watchers cruise with your mom. And they ran out of low-fat ice cream on day two. Just calm down and take a few deep breaths.

Penny: I'm not unhappy at all. It's just, I don't know, I've been in love before, but it felt different. But maybe this is a new, better, boring kind of love. Do you ever feel that way about Howard?
Bernadette: Oh, that's not really a fair comparison. I'm basically married to a sexy Buzz Lightyear.

Amy: You slept with him?
Penny: I didn't know what else to do. He had those big, sad eyes.
Bernadette: Oh, sure, you had no choice.

Bernadette: That's pretty big talk for a man with a closet full of magic tricks at his mother's house.

Amy: Sheldon doesn't believe in brunch. He can't stand being at a table where one person's having an omelette and another person's having a sandwich.
Bernadette: That's not exhausting at all.