Bernadette: These are gift bags we're going to put in the hotel rooms of our out-of-town guests. This is a map of Pasadena. This is a list of local restaurants. And then, for Howie's relatives, we have antihistamines, antacids, and medicine for diarrhea and constipation.
Penny: Yeah, we labeled them stop and go.

Bernadette: Sure. I think all branches of science have to move cautiously these days. It's not just giant nuclear weapons that can destroy the world. As a microbiologist, I can tell you even the tiniest organisms can still tear you a new one.
Howard: Interesting. I think what you might need to know about my colleague is that though she claims her field of interest is tiny organisms, she certainly has spent her fair share of time around what we can assume was pretty massive weaponry.
Bernadette: I think Mr. Wolowitz needs to keep in mind that the past is the past. But he should know that I am the kind of girl who could get all the giant missiles she wants.

Bernadette: You can make-believe, though. Sometimes Howard and I pretend that his arrhythmia is acting up and I'm a sexy cardiologist. And the naughty part is I'm not in his HMO network.

Bernadette: Relax, you know Leonard's always been crazy about you. It's gonna be great.
Penny: I know, but we've finally gotten to a place where we can hang out without it being weird. And what if something goes wrong? Then what?
Amy: Guess it'll just be Sheldon and me going on a double date with Howard and Bernadette.
Bernadette: Sure, we'd love that. (To Penny) Change your clothes, we got a lot riding on this.

Howard: Okay, I'm still trying to work this out. How did Penny meet an astronaut?
Bernadette: I don't know. The regular way people meet astronauts.
Howard: Most of those guys live in Texas.
Bernadette: Obviously, this one doesn't.
Howard: Okay.
Bernadette: Leonard lives here. Priya's from India. People meet, Howard. God!
Howard: Fine.
Bernadette: You've met lots of astronauts, and I've never grilled you about that. I'd thank you to extend me the same courtesy.

Leonard: I still can't get over the fact that she got a big movie part. Not that I care what my ex-girlfriend's up to, 'cause I don't.
Bernadette: Maybe that's where she met the astronaut, all right?
Priya: I'm sorry. What would an astronaut be doing working on a movie?
Bernadette: He's a consultant.
Leonard: I thought the movie was about 18th-century Vienna?
Bernadette: He can't have a hobby? Excuse me, I have to pee. Or is that implausible, as well?

Amy: I must say, Penny, this is great fun.
Penny: Glad you're enjoying yourself.
Amy: Until I met you and Bernadette, my trips to the bathroom had been entirely focused on elimination. Now they have a delightful social aspect.
Bernadette: Amy, you must've been in the bathroom with other women before.
Amy: Of course I have. But they were strangers and seemed off-put when I engaged in friendly stall-to-stall chit chat.
Bernadette: Some women don't like to get chummy when their panties are down.

Bernadette: Listen, mister, you're gonna talk to your mother and you're gonna fix this, or that thing I said I was gonna do to you the minute you got home, you can do to yourself.
Dimitri: Like he's been doing since he got here.

Bernadette: Why are you doing that? You're being mean to him.
Howard: He's mean to me all the time. You've heard him tease me about not having a doctorate.
Bernadette: If you don't want to get teased about that, get a doctorate. I have one, they're great.

Raj: Howard and Bernadette, the five of us stand before you as your friends and newly ordained ministers.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Louder!
Bernadette: They all got ordained. They're all marrying us. It's adorable. If you want to hear come closer.

Penny: So, Bernadette, how goes the hunt for bridesmaid dresses?
Bernadette: Well, if you dont mind looking like an orange traffic cone, great.

Howard: He's flashing his lights. What's that mean?
Raj: I think he wants us to pull over.
Bernadette: Do not pull over. I'm not raising this baby alone.

Raj: Okay, look, I'm on the Air Force Web site, and the department that e-mailed you is in charge of acquisitions. So maybe they just want to give you a lot of money for your invention.
Howard: Oh, please, that's not how it works. You saw E.T., Avatar, Jurassic World. The military just shows up and takes over.
Bernadette: You do realize those weren't documentaries, right?

Penny: You know, she's my mother-in-law. Why can't I bond with her like that?
Bernadette: Amy's with Sheldon, who she loves like a son. You're with her son, who she doesn't.

Sheldon: And last but not least, this is one that I like to call Star Wars Toast because it has a light side and a dark side. All righty, it's time for Dungeons & Dragons.
Bernadette: Dungeons & Dragons? That sounds about right.