Bernadette: I had no choice. I had to tell his mother. He can't go to space. He's like a baby bird. Do you know he once got an asthma attack from reading an old library book?

Bernadette: Oh, God, you're right. I took our love and threw it under his bus-sized mother.

Bernadette: That's so cute. I didn't think there could be a smaller version of you.

Bernadette: Just seeing that letter freaked him out. And he was already having a tough day, 'cause he accidentally wore my pants to work. I don't know why he was upset. They were bigger on him than me.

Bernadette: Oh, I totally want to see Sheldon dance. I bet he looks like a spider on a hot plate.

Bernadette: So, when are you thinking of moving?
Stuart: Uh, actually, I already found an apartment, so in a couple of days.
Bernadette: Oh, okay. Sorry to see you go?

Bernadette: You don't think she'd actually send you something gross or dangerous, do you?
Penny: I know one way to find out. Sniff this.
Amy: She's pregnant, she's not a bloodhound.
Bernadette: Although I am getting a little machine oil. I think it's metal.

Raj: Seriously, guys, I don't want to know.
Amy: Oh, my.
Raj: Oh, come on, you can't say "Oh, my!" and then not tell me!
Amy: These things go for $500 and up.
Bernadette: Damn! All I got for Valentine's Day was a postcard saying my Vermont Teddy Bear was back-ordered.

Bernadette: Sometimes he solders at home with his shirt off. It's like a beer commercial.

Howard: You feel like Raj is getting a little carried away with all the baby stuff?
Bernadette: I don't think so. He just wants to be part of the experience.
Howard: All right, if you say so. What's in the box?
Bernadette: Oh, it's an ultrasonic microphone so we can hear the baby's heartbeat.
Howard: Oh. That's cool. Can we try it?
Bernadette: Actually, Raj ordered it. He made me promise to wait till he was here.
Howard: So he can be part of the experience?
Bernadette: Yeah.
Howard: I'm surprised he let us conceive without him.
Bernadette: It's a sore spot, don't bring it up.

Howard: He's flashing his lights. What's that mean?
Raj: I think he wants us to pull over.
Bernadette: Do not pull over. I'm not raising this baby alone.

Penny: So, Bernadette, how goes the hunt for bridesmaid dresses?
Bernadette: Well, if you dont mind looking like an orange traffic cone, great.

Raj: Howard and Bernadette, the five of us stand before you as your friends and newly ordained ministers.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Louder!
Bernadette: They all got ordained. They're all marrying us. It's adorable. If you want to hear come closer.

Bernadette: Listen, mister, you're gonna talk to your mother and you're gonna fix this, or that thing I said I was gonna do to you the minute you got home, you can do to yourself.
Dimitri: Like he's been doing since he got here.

Amy: I must say, Penny, this is great fun.
Penny: Glad you're enjoying yourself.
Amy: Until I met you and Bernadette, my trips to the bathroom had been entirely focused on elimination. Now they have a delightful social aspect.
Bernadette: Amy, you must've been in the bathroom with other women before.
Amy: Of course I have. But they were strangers and seemed off-put when I engaged in friendly stall-to-stall chit chat.
Bernadette: Some women don't like to get chummy when their panties are down.