Howard: Okay, I'm still trying to work this out. How did Penny meet an astronaut?
Bernadette: I don't know. The regular way people meet astronauts.
Howard: Most of those guys live in Texas.
Bernadette: Obviously, this one doesn't.
Howard: Okay.
Bernadette: Leonard lives here. Priya's from India. People meet, Howard. God!
Howard: Fine.
Bernadette: You've met lots of astronauts, and I've never grilled you about that. I'd thank you to extend me the same courtesy.

Leonard: I still can't get over the fact that she got a big movie part. Not that I care what my ex-girlfriend's up to, 'cause I don't.
Bernadette: Maybe that's where she met the astronaut, all right?
Priya: I'm sorry. What would an astronaut be doing working on a movie?
Bernadette: He's a consultant.
Leonard: I thought the movie was about 18th-century Vienna?
Bernadette: He can't have a hobby? Excuse me, I have to pee. Or is that implausible, as well?

Bernadette: You can make-believe, though. Sometimes Howard and I pretend that his arrhythmia is acting up and I'm a sexy cardiologist. And the naughty part is I'm not in his HMO network.

Bernadette: Relax, you know Leonard's always been crazy about you. It's gonna be great.
Penny: I know, but we've finally gotten to a place where we can hang out without it being weird. And what if something goes wrong? Then what?
Amy: Guess it'll just be Sheldon and me going on a double date with Howard and Bernadette.
Bernadette: Sure, we'd love that. (To Penny) Change your clothes, we got a lot riding on this.

Bernadette: Sure. I think all branches of science have to move cautiously these days. It's not just giant nuclear weapons that can destroy the world. As a microbiologist, I can tell you even the tiniest organisms can still tear you a new one.
Howard: Interesting. I think what you might need to know about my colleague is that though she claims her field of interest is tiny organisms, she certainly has spent her fair share of time around what we can assume was pretty massive weaponry.
Bernadette: I think Mr. Wolowitz needs to keep in mind that the past is the past. But he should know that I am the kind of girl who could get all the giant missiles she wants.

Bernadette: These are gift bags we're going to put in the hotel rooms of our out-of-town guests. This is a map of Pasadena. This is a list of local restaurants. And then, for Howie's relatives, we have antihistamines, antacids, and medicine for diarrhea and constipation.
Penny: Yeah, we labeled them stop and go.

Penny: What am I gonna do?
Bernadette: I don't know. You can't take it down. You'll break her heart. Look at that face. That enormous, unsettling, crazy face.
Penny: Is there any chance I'll learn to love it?
Bernadette: That depends. Do you like pictures of yourself where you look like a man?

Penny: All right, it's got to go.
Bernadette: What will you tell Amy?
Penny: How about I tell her the painting makes you feel jealous because you're not in it?
Bernadette: Nuh-uh. What if she gets me one? I already have a picture of me and Howard's mom getting our hair cornrowed in Venice Beach. I've suffered enough.

Howard: There's a baby in there.
Bernadette: Oh, yeah, that's where I put it.

Howard: I've worked with Hawking. He's got a great sense of humor. And I think he'd like it.
Bernadette: Okay, call him and show him. I dare you.
Howard: I have no problem calling him.
Bernadette: Fine, then do it.
Howard: Fine, I will.
Bernadette: While you're bothering the world's most famous scientist, be sure to show him how funny he looks getting stuck under our dishwasher.

Bernadette: Smells ripe in here. You can kinda feel it in your eyes.

Amy: Hi. Howard told me you were working late, so I brought dinner.
Bernadette: Oh, thanks. You know, I just wanted to get some work done without people congratulating me about the baby every five minutes.
Amy: I spent my day alone in the lab waiting for a rat to die of anthrax.
Bernadette: Did you come here to bring me dinner or to gloat?

Bernadette: I should probably keep this in case we have a girl.
Raj: Oh, that's a nice one. Was it yours when you were little?
Bernadette: My dad built it for me.
Raj: Wow, it's so cute.
Bernadette: This was the husband and this was the wife. They'd go out on adventures together. Cruises, skiing, horseback riding. That was really me just duct taping them to our dog.
Raj: Oh, and did they have kids?
Bernadette: They did, but the mommy and daddy didn't like them, so they shipped them off to an orphanage I made out of a shoebox.
Raj: Yeah, that's not worrisome at all.

Bernadette: Why wouldn't he tell us? Are we bad friends?
Howard: He's in our hot tub drinking our wine.
Bernadette: Yeah, he deserves to be alone.

Howard: You busy? There's somebody out here who wants to meet you.
Bernadette: Who is it?
Howard: Say hello to everybody's little friend, remote control Stephen Hawking!
Bernadette: Where did you get that?
Howard: I found him in an old box.
Bernadette: Why would you buy it?
Howard: I didn't buy it. I made it.
Bernadette: Last question. What is wrong with you?