Bernadette: Search for it.
Penny: What? No. Why?
Bernadette: Because it would be fun to watch.
Penny: It would be humiliating.
Bernadette: Well now we have two reasons.

Bernadette: (In pageant video) And you should pick me for Miss. California Quiznos 1999, because I want to tell you what I want, what I really really want. I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want. I wanna. I wanna. I wanna. I wanna, really, really, be the California Quiznos 1999.

Amy: Why? What did I do?
Bernadette: I'm sorry. I had to get the spotlight off me, and tearing down other women is part of my pageant training.

Penny: "With a heavy heart, Amelia stood before the newly repaired time machine. She regretted giving Cooper the part he needed."
Bernadette: Because she wanted him to give her the part she needed.

Howard: That was the last one. I promise we won't play it any more.
Raj: Thank you. Because if she ever found out, it would hurt her feelings.
Bernadette: Emily's feelings?
Raj: Yes, Emily!

Bernadette: Are you okay?
Raj: No, I'm not okay. I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin.
Bernadette: I told you not to wax down there. It's itchy when it grows back.

Howard: You work in pharmaceuticals. Don't you have anything you can give him?
Bernadette: All I have is our new urine flow drug. Won't help with his anxiety, but it's so strong, when he pees he'll fly around the room like he's got a jet pack.

Bernadette: It just builds character. Like my dad said, "Nobody likes a cry baby but their moms and Democrats."

Howard: I love that I'm a slob around here and you're kinda okay with that.
Bernadette: Uh-huh. And I love that I work and do all the cleaning and you're okay with that.

Penny: That, believe it or not, is my prom dress.
Bernadette: Wow, you still have it? I just assumed it was balled up in a corner of a barn somewhere.

Stuart: Oh, so she's good enough for Howard but not for me?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: Yeah. Go have weird relationships with your own mother and cousin. This is his turf.

Amy: I simply pointed out that they would never consider doing an article ranking male scientists on their sexuality. Let alone showing them in various stages of undress.
Bernadette: Because no one wants to see Neil deGrasse Tyson in a wet t-shirt bent over the hood of a Porsche.

Bernadette: Please don't go. Up until my vicious attack, you were the one in the wrong.

Leonard: Thanks again for having us.
Howard: Of course. What do you guys want to talk about?
Penny: Well, now that we're engaged, we have some questions about how you handle money as a couple.
Bernadette: Told you they weren't going to ask us to swing with them.

Bernadette: Guess who won a hundred dollars playing craps?
Penny: That's a dollar.
Bernadette: Guess who wildly over-tipped a cocktail waitress?