Penny: Hey, I thought we weren't supposed to have our phones in the booth.
Bernadette: That's a "you" rule, not a "me" rule.

Bernadette: Wow, we got a pretty good crowd here.
Penny: I know. But not as big as that booth. What's going on over there?
Bernadette: Yeah, that's Chantix. Ray Liotta's signing autographs until 2:00.

Bernadette: Oh, don't waste your time. His name is Danny. He works for one of the other drug companies.
Danny: Hey, nothing wrong with checking out the competition.
Bernadette: Aw, we don't see you as competition.
Danny: You should. Our anti-inflammatory is hitting the market this year, too.
Penny: Well, ours has zero drug interaction risk.
Danny: Yeah. So does an Altoid.
Bernadette: Speaking of Altoids, why don't you go get one?

Penny: As opposed to the leading nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory, our product greatly reduces the risk of ulcers. So it won't burn a hole in your stomach.
Bernadette: And it won't burn a hole in your wallet, either!
Penny: Thank you. I got this. It's a brand new day!

Bernadette: Remember, I'm leaving you with two babies. I expect to see two babies when I get back, and they better be the same two babies because I'll know.

Howard: I think I'm capable of babysitting.
Bernadette: Don't call it babysitting; they're your children. It's called parenting.
Howard: What's the difference?
Bernadette: You don't get paid.

Penny: I just really want to be prepared for this conference.
Bernadette: You're gonna do great.
Penny: You really think so?
Bernadette: Of course. They're scared of you, you're scared of me. The system works.

Bernadette: Oh, my God. You guys are still here?
Karen: We're happy to be here. It's a brand-new day.
Bernadette: It's 12:15, it's literally a brand-new day.

Bernadette: My dad and I watched you win back-to-back championships.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: And I watched you sniff Joe's hair when he wasn't looking.

Penny: Leonard played Dungeons & Dragons with the hot guy from Magic Mike.
Bernadette: I never got to see that movie.
Amy: Seriously?
Bernadette: Yeah, Howie made us leave as soon as he realized it wasn't about magic.

Bernadette: Which guy?
Penny: That one.
Bernadette: Abracadabra.

Bernadette: I hate this so much! Why am I doing this?!
Anu:To prove a stupid point to your husband!
Bernadette: Oh, right. Worth it.

Bernadette: See? I just think I shouldn't go.
Neil: Actually, this is much safer than driving a car.
Bernadette: Stay out of it, flyboy!

Neil: Okay, I just need you guys to sign these waivers, and then you can go get changed.
Bernadette: There are a lot of pages here. Is this a waiver or a screenplay you've been working on?
Howard: I'm sure it's just boilerplate.
Neil: Absolutely. It's to protect us in case of injury.
Bernadette: It says, "Or death." Which is awesome.

Howard: Not to brag, but I'm an astronaut, so I've been weightless before. Can be pretty scary.
Bernadette: Please, I'm, like, 90 pounds. I'm weightless every time I hold more than three balloons.