Howard: Excuse me. Why is there a sticker on this? It's my TARDIS from Doctor Who. I was planning on moving it in the house.
Bernadette: I think you just answered your own question.

Bernadette: Look at me when I'm tawking to you!

Bernadette: I don't know what you think you're doing, but this is a very difficult time for my husband. We're eating the last food his mother ever made. And you are going to throw it at each other like children? Whatever it is you're fighting about, put it aside, go back in there, be a good friend to Howard, or there's no dessert for either of you.

Bernadette: She sounds really mad.
Howard: We should hang up.
Bernadette: Yeah, we should.
Howard: But we're not going to, are we?
Bernadette: Not a chance.
Howard: What happened to snooping is wrong?
Bernadette: Eh, we're already going to jail for tax fraud, who cares.

Bernadette: What's happening?
Howard: Raj was snooping through Emily's drawers and broke one.
Bernadette: Oh, I'm gonna miss her.

Bernadette: You better find my husband's mother, 'cause one way or another we're walking out of this airport with a dead woman.

Howard: I'm sorry I didn't take you to the airport. I just want you to know I'll never forgive myself for being so selfish. And I promise to keep you close for the rest of my life.
Bernadette: Oh, no, that thing's gonna end up in my bedroom.

Bernadette: Oh, I totally want to see Sheldon dance. I bet he looks like a spider on a hot plate.

Bernadette: The tow truck didn't scratch your car.
Amy: How do you know?
Bernadette: 'cause I did it!

Bernadette: It's what I do with Howard. I'm much smarter than he is. But it's important to protect his manhood.

Bernadette: They're here first. This is because you made me slow down for that blind guy.

Leonard: Do you think Penny's mad at me?
Bernadette: Because you're in the right lane behind a bus and you won't go around it? I'm sure she finds it charming.
Leonard: No, because I didn't want her on my team.
Bernadette: I'm starting to think she dodged a bullet. The slowest bullet in the world.

Bernadette: Hey, Romeo. Repair your relationship on your own time!

Bernadette: Faster, faster, faster! Do you not know that word? It means more fast!
Leonard: Stop yelling at me.
Bernadette: Hey, you'll know when I'm yelling at you.

Bernadette: Sheldon, I've been cooking all day.
Sheldon: Well, now don't you feel silly.
Bernadette: (To Howard) Show him the closet.