Bernadette: Just seeing that letter freaked him out. And he was already having a tough day, 'cause he accidentally wore my pants to work. I don't know why he was upset. They were bigger on him than me.

Bernadette: That's so cute. I didn't think there could be a smaller version of you.

Bernadette: Howard, a girl doesn't go out with a man like you, with your looks, your fancy patter, and your tight hoochie pants if she's not expecting him to eventually make the move.

Bernadette: No husband of mine is gonna break his mother's heart!

Howard: That is a good point. But I didn't marry you for good points. I married you to blindly support me no matter how ridiculous I'm being.
Bernadette: This is why I had to rewrite our wedding vows.

Bernadette: She's just being nice.
Howard: Well, I'm her son, how come she doesn't send someone to check on me if I'm lonely.
Bernadette: Because you have a wife!
Howard: Yeah, well, sometimes you work late.

Howard: That would be great. I'd love for things between me and mom to get back to normal.
Bernadette: Well, normal's a strong word, but sure.

Bernadette: Oh, God, you're right. I took our love and threw it under his bus-sized mother.

Bernadette: I had no choice. I had to tell his mother. He can't go to space. He's like a baby bird. Do you know he once got an asthma attack from reading an old library book?

Bernadette: We can't all be Cinderella.
Amy: Then how do we decide?
Bernadette: Well, it's simple. This was my idea. I'm driving. I'm Cinderella. You bitches got a problem with that, we could stop the car right now.

Amy: She always this crabby when she urinates?
Bernadette: We're really not that close.

Bernadette: I can't do this any more! I'm a good girl. I went to Catholic school!

Amy: It's fine. I'm used to being the girl who never gets looked at twice. I didn't have my first kiss until I was 22. And the guy only did it so I'd give him back his insulin.
Bernadette: Sometimes the pancreas wants what the pancreas wants.

Amy: Sheldon doesn't believe in brunch. He can't stand being at a table where one person's having an omelette and another person's having a sandwich.
Bernadette: That's not exhausting at all.

Amy: Well, when we were going through security, I got pulled out of line for a pat-down. The TSA agent got a little handsy. I may have broken her nose with my elbow.
Bernadette: Long story short, she's on the No Fly List and we might have been followed here by a drone.