Raj: Let's go see if you fit in my man purse.
Bernadette: Metrosexual, my ass.

Bernadette: Get that guy! Get that guy! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!
Sheldon: Dr. Rostenkowski, it may interest you to know that saying pew, pew, pew isn't as effective as pressing your blaster key. In the same way that saying whee doesn't make the land speeder go.
Bernadette: (aiming at Sheldon) Pew!

Raj: Bernadette, remember, your character's the healer in our group. You're in charge of healing all of us, not just Howard.
Bernadette: I can't help it. My Howie Wowie has an owie.

Penny: It's kind of heavy.
Bernadette: Too bad you're not as strong as the dude in the painting.

Bernadette: Goodnight, real Penny. Goodnight, transvestite Penny.

Penny: What am I gonna do?
Bernadette: I don't know. You can't take it down. You'll break her heart. Look at that face. That enormous, unsettling, crazy face.
Penny: Is there any chance I'll learn to love it?
Bernadette: That depends. Do you like pictures of yourself where you look like a man?

Penny: All right, it's got to go.
Bernadette: What will you tell Amy?
Penny: How about I tell her the painting makes you feel jealous because you're not in it?
Bernadette: Nuh-uh. What if she gets me one? I already have a picture of me and Howard's mom getting our hair cornrowed in Venice Beach. I've suffered enough.

Bernadette: I've got to go. I've got to get up early. My company's testing a new steroid that supposedly doesn't shrink testicles, and the last one there has to do the measuring.

Bernadette: And just to be safe, when you talk to him don't bring up Jimmy Carter, gardeners, foreign people, homosexuals, Sean Penn, Vatican II, gun control, organic food, the designated hitter rule, recycling or the fact that you're Jewish.

Penny: I'm so glad you talked Howard out of having your wedding invitations in Klingon.
Bernadette: Turn it over. I'm hoping my relatives think it's Hebrew.

Bernadette: Who's Siri? Is he dating someone new?
Howard: Yes, his phone.
Bernadette: Is that cute? Or creepy?

Bernadette: Boy, I don't know if I could be friends with Howie if we broke up.
Howard: Why not?
Bernadette: I'm a very vengeful person.
Howard: Really?
Bernadette: With access to weaponized smallpox.

Bernadette: You can make-believe, though. Sometimes Howard and I pretend that his arrhythmia is acting up and I'm a sexy cardiologist. And the naughty part is I'm not in his HMO network.

Bernadette: Relax, you know Leonard's always been crazy about you. It's gonna be great.
Penny: I know, but we've finally gotten to a place where we can hang out without it being weird. And what if something goes wrong? Then what?
Amy: Guess it'll just be Sheldon and me going on a double date with Howard and Bernadette.
Bernadette: Sure, we'd love that. (To Penny) Change your clothes, we got a lot riding on this.

Bernadette: The thing is, my mother worked full-time. I had to take care of my brothers and sisters.
Howard: Yeah, so?
Bernadette: Ugh, it was horrible. With their snotty noses and their poopy diapers and their little shrieky voices, always complaining. I don't want to get dressed. Joey keeps spitting in my mouth. This isn't the way Mom makes waffles. Well, okay, put your hand in here. Let's see how you like this waffle!