Bernadette: Why don't you want to work with me? I know I can be tough, but that's just 'cause I'm surrounded by useless idiots.

Penny: Plus, you know, I didn't go to college. I'd be in charge of people that are far more educated with more experience; what if they don't listen to me?
Bernadette: Then you be really mean to them. Have I taught you nothing?

Penny: Hey, you got a sec?
Bernadette: Sure. What's up?
Penny: Uh, bad news. I spoke to my supervisor about heading up your sales team, and she said she just can't lose me right now.
Bernadette: Do you want me to call her? I could rip her a new one.

Bernadette: Thank you. It is exciting. Oh, that's very sweet. I'm gonna remember you said that. Just like I remember how you tried to take my office when I was on maternity leave. (laughs) Of course I'm not angry. Bye-bye. How can I be angry at a dead man?

Howard: So, my incredible wife has some exciting news.
Bernadette: Howie, stop. I don't want to brag.
Howard: Oh, okay, sorry.
Bernadette: Really? No one's gonna ask?
Leonard: Sorry. What's your news?
Bernadette: The drug I've been working on for the past five years just got approved by the FDA.
Penny: Wow.
Raj: Oh, congratulations. Was that the decongestant you developed?
Bernadette: No, we had to rebrand that as a solvent for mining equipment.

Howard: It's her anti-inflammatory drug.
Penny: Oh.
Bernadette: Yep, three years of testing and no reported side effects.
Raj: Ah, so it works.
Bernadette: Eh.

Penny: I'm so happy for you.
Bernadette: Yeah, well, I'm happy for you, because I want you to head up my sales team.
Penny: Really? Me? Don't you want someone with more experience?
Bernadette: Nope. The job's all yours.
Penny: (laughs) Okay, well, thank you. Why don't we just chat about this at work?
Bernadette: We can chat about it all you want, but you're doing it.
Penny: (chuckles) We'll see.
Bernadette: That's a yes.

Penny: Is it that anti-itch cream you were testing on grad students?
Bernadette: It's not, but that's a really funny story which I'm legally prevented from telling you.

Howard: So I'm just supposed to lie to my friend?
Raj: I don't want you to lie to me.
Bernadette: No one's gonna lie to you. (whispers to Howard) Lie.

Howard: Honestly, I think you dodged a bullet. I don't think she was right for you.
Bernadette: Howie, shh.
Howard: What?
Bernadette: You can't bad-mouth Anu. They're gonna get back together, and you're gonna look like a jerk. I mean, remember when we broke up, and Penny said all those mean things about you?
Howard: What did she say?
Bernadette: I don't want to get into it. Some of it was hurtful, most of it was true.

Penny: We're not gonna do anything.
Bernadette: Really? So all that work's for Leonard?

Bernadette: This is so great. Why don't we do it more often?
Amy: Because you have two kids, I have Sheldon, and Penny's apparently in the gym all the time, 'cause damn, look at her!
Bernadette: Yeah, so impressive how you manage to bounce back after having no babies.
Penny: Ah, another reason why we don't do this more often.

Bernadette: I can't believe you shot me.
Howard: I can't believe I did, either.
Bernadette: Right in the chest.
Howard: Sorry. That's gonna leave a bruise.
Bernadette: Yeah, a big one.
Howard: Does it hurt?
Bernadette: A little. Want to kiss it and make it better?
Howard: I do.

Howard: Everything okay?
Raj: Yeah, it's just Anu's doorbell camera. I helped her install it.
Bernadette: You can't look at it. That's spying.
Raj: Who the hell is this guy?
Bernadette: Ooh, let me see.

Bernadette: Was she mad?
Stuart: Uh, no. I talked to her after. She said she's fine.
Howard: Oh, no.
Raj: Yikes!
Bernadette: You'll find someone new.