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Quote from the episode The Geology Methodology

Bert: Well, you know, we geologists always get a little sad when Rocktober's over.

Quote from the episode The Geology Methodology

Bert: I'm not asking you to play rocks. I'm asking you to collaborate on a research project. Although, if there's time, I guess we could play a round of zinc, zinc, piece of quartz.

Quote from the episode The Geology Methodology

Sheldon: Uh, let's-let's do it here, in-in the evenings, after everyone's gone home.
Bert: I just have to see if my evenings are free. That's a joke. They are.

Quote from the episode The Geology Methodology

Sheldon: I've been modeling different types of dark matter and the traces they would leave on the zircon inside your meteorite.
Bert: What's this one here?
Sheldon: That's actually a dark matter model of my own creation. I call it the Cooper Boson.
Bert: Cool. I got to name a rock once. I named it Moderately Sedimented Shale. Guess I kind of pooped the bed on that one.

Quote from the episode The Separation Agitation

Bert: Hey, Sheldon. Hey, Amy. It's Bert.
Sheldon: Hello, Bert. What is your flag-related comment or query?
Bert: I have a girlfriend.
Amy: And what does that have to do with flags?
Bert: Nothing. I just wanted everyone to know I have a girlfriend.

Quote from the episode The Separation Agitation

Bert: She's so perfect, sometimes I think she isn't real. And then she goes to the bathroom, and I know she is.
Penny: Aw, that's so weird.

Quote from the episode The Separation Agitation

Leonard: If you're that upset, go get her back.
Bert: I tried. She's not answering my calls. Which really hurts because I bought her that phone.

Quote from the episode The Separation Agitation

Bert: She was also interested in walking around my house in her underwear. Now the only one that does that is me.

Quote from the episode The Allowance Evaporation

Bert: Hey. Looks like I got stood up, so I'm gonna head out.
Amy: Oh, no. Are you sure you don't want to give her a few more minutes?
Bert: Nah, G-Harmony recommends after two hours, it's time to cut bait.

Quote from the episode The Allowance Evaporation

Bert: Good question. Let's see. Infoseek, WebCrawler, oh, HotBot.

Quote from the episode The Allowance Evaporation

Bert: Well, I really envy your relationship. Other than you two only having sex once a year, you're the perfect couple.

Quote from the episode The Allowance Evaporation

Bert: I met her on G-Harmony. That's a Web site for geologists to find love.
Amy: That's a real thing?
Bert: Yeah. Their slogan is "We're all about dating and not the carbon-14 kind".

Quote from the episode The Dependence Transcendence

Amy: Hi, Bert. This is my friend, Penny.
Penny: Hi.
Bert: Hey, come on in. I'll gonna go turn on some rock music.
Amy: (chuckles) That's a geology joke. Bert's a geologist.
Bert: And a joker.

Quote from the episode The Dependence Transcendence

Amy: I'm sure it's just 'cause I'm dating Sheldon.
Bert: Mm, actually, I think Sheldon's popular because he's dating you.

Quote from the episode The Occupation Recalibration

Bert: You know what, uh, geologists and Bon Jovi have in common?
Howard: You're both into rock?
Bert: Yeah.

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