Beverly Hofstadter: So it's just you?

Leonard: Got to go.
Beverly Hofstadter: I think you mean "have to"- [Leonard closes his laptop]

Leonard: Wait, wait, wait. You had surgery?
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, and Sheldon sent me flowers.
Leonard: I heard that.
Beverly Hofstadter: Then what was all that "wait, wait, wait" about?

Penny: So if we would have asked you to come to Vegas to see us get married, you would've come?
Beverly: No, I would've said you're making a huge mistake. But an invitation would've been nice.

Penny: You know, Beverly, I know you and Alfred have your differences, but if you think about it, if you hadn't married him, there'd be no Leonard. So that's good, right?
Beverly Hofstadter: (unemphatic) Yeah.

Beverly Hofstadter: Hi, Pen- Oh, hello, Leonard.
Leonard: Hello, Mother. How are you?
Beverly Hofstadter: Fine. And you?
Leonard: I'm great.
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, it's been lovely catching up.
Leonard: Wait. Hang on. We need to talk.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, brother.

Leonard: Mother, Penny and I really want you to be part of this. Please stay.
Penny: Yeah, plus if you leave, Alfred will know he got under your skin.
Beverly Hofstadter: (slowly thinks about it) Well, we can't have that.

Penny: I mean, my mom could've just said, Bob, get over it, she's a girl, move on. But she didn't. Not one word.
Beverly Hofstadter: Interesting. Would you be willing to fly to New Jersey and discuss your relationship with your parents during a brain scan?
Penny: Would it help?
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, it would help me.

Leonard: All right, Mother. Um, have a nice flight.
Beverly Hofstadter: That's not really in my control, is it?

Sheldon: So, what do you think?
Beverly Hofstadter: I'm very tempted. I'm just not sure it's appropriate with my son's roommate.
Sheldon: Normally, I'd feel the same way. But based on everything I've observed about us, I can't help but speculate we'd be very good together.
Beverly Hofstadter: True. I've had a similar observation. It's certainly something I could never do with my husband.
Sheldon: I was hesitant the first time I tried it, but I experienced an unanticipated and remarkable release of endorphins. It's quite satisfying.
Beverly Hofstadter: I see what you're doing. You're appealing to the neuroscientific researcher in me.
Sheldon: You see right through me, don't you?
Beverly Hofstadter: Only when you're in a CAT scanner.

Sheldon: Can I make you a cup of tea?
Beverly Hofstadter: I doubt it, but if anyone has a chance, it's probably you.

Beverly Hofstadter: So, where were we?
Leonard: Howard lives with his mother and Raj cant speak to women unless hes drunk. Go.
Beverly Hofstadter: That's fascinating. Selective mutism is quite rare. On the other hand, an adult Jewish male living with his mother is so common it borders on sociological clich.

Leonard: Here's your tea, mother.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oolong?
Leonard: Yes.
Beverly Hofstadter: Loose, not bagged?
Leonard: Yes.
Beverly Hofstadter: Steeped three minutes?
Leonard: Yes.
Beverly Hofstadter: Two-percent milk?
Leonard: Yes.
Beverly Hofstadter: Warmed separately?
Leonard: Yes.
Beverly Hofstadter: One teaspoon sugar?
Leonard: Yes.
Beverly Hofstadter: Raw sugar?
Leonard: Yes.
Beverly Hofstadter: It's cold.
Leonard: I'll start again.

Penny: Yeah, Leonard mentioned you were a psychiatrist.
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, that is one of my degrees. My primary field is neuroscience.
Penny: Oh, well, I'm an actress.
Beverly Hofstadter: Why?
Penny: What do you mean why?
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, there are studies that suggest that many who go into the performing arts suffer from an external locus of identity.
Penny: Yeah, I don't know what that means.
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, it means you value yourself only as others value you, which is often the result of unmet childhood emotional needs.
Penny: Oh, well, I had a wonderful childhood.
Beverly Hofstadter: Tell me about it.