Penny: I'm Penny. I'm his neighbor.
Beverly Hofstadter: I'm Beverly Hofstadter.
Penny: Nice to meet you. *Offers to shake hands*
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, you're a hand shaker. Interesting.

Penny: I'm curious. What was Leonard like when he was little?
Beverly Hofstadter: I think you mean young. He's always been little.

Penny: What was he like when he was young?
Beverly Hofstadter: You'll have to be more specific.
Penny: Oh, like five or six.
Beverly Hofstadter: *looks at Penny*
Penny: Five.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh. Well, at that age he was well enmeshed in what Freud would call the phallic stage of pyscho-sexual development. An outmoded theory, of course, but the boy did spend most of his waking hours with a tight grasp on his penis.

Beverly Hofstadter: If you want to have intercourse with that girl, find out what kind of cologne her father wore.

Sheldon: Can I make you a cup of tea?
Beverly Hofstadter: I doubt it, but if anyone has a chance, it's probably you.

Beverly Hofstadter: Well, Leonard's younger brother, Michael, is a tenured law professor at Harvard, and his sister just successfully grew a human pancreas in an adolescent gibbon.
Howard: So, she's close to curing diabetes?
Beverly Hofstadter: Why else would you grow a pancreas in a teenaged gibbon?
Howard: Wow, you must be very proud.
Beverly Hofstadter: Why? They're not my accomplishments. I have to urinate.

Beverly Hofstadter: You know, both selective mutism and an inability to separate from one's mother can stem from a pathological fear of women. It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.

Leonard: Here's your tea, mother.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oolong?
Leonard: Yes.
Beverly Hofstadter: Loose, not bagged?
Leonard: Yes.
Beverly Hofstadter: Steeped three minutes?
Leonard: Yes.
Beverly Hofstadter: Two-percent milk?
Leonard: Yes.
Beverly Hofstadter: Warmed separately?
Leonard: Yes.
Beverly Hofstadter: One teaspoon sugar?
Leonard: Yes.
Beverly Hofstadter: Raw sugar?
Leonard: Yes.
Beverly Hofstadter: It's cold.
Leonard: I'll start again.

Beverly Hofstadter: Your scan data will be very helpful to my research. You have a remarkable brain.
Sheldon: I know. Although, I've always hated how my right frontal lobe looks in pictures.
Beverly Hofstadter: Common complaint among men. Nothing's ever big enough. Except when they get a tumor, Then you never hear the end of it.

Leonard: So, Mother, what's new?
Beverly Hofstadter: You'll have to be more specific.
Leonard: All right. Uh, what's new with you?
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, well, I've been having some fascinating menopausal symptoms recently.
Leonard: Maybe something less personal.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh. Your Uncle Floyd died.
Leonard: Oh, my God. What happened?
Beverly Hofstadter: His heart stopped beating. I have to urinate.

Beverly Hofstadter: So, where were we?
Leonard: Howard lives with his mother and Raj cant speak to women unless hes drunk. Go.
Beverly Hofstadter: That's fascinating. Selective mutism is quite rare. On the other hand, an adult Jewish male living with his mother is so common it borders on sociological clich.

Penny: I mean, my mom could've just said, Bob, get over it, she's a girl, move on. But she didn't. Not one word.
Beverly Hofstadter: Interesting. Would you be willing to fly to New Jersey and discuss your relationship with your parents during a brain scan?
Penny: Would it help?
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, it would help me.

Leonard: All right, Mother. Um, have a nice flight.
Beverly Hofstadter: That's not really in my control, is it?

Sheldon: So, what do you think?
Beverly Hofstadter: I'm very tempted. I'm just not sure it's appropriate with my son's roommate.
Sheldon: Normally, I'd feel the same way. But based on everything I've observed about us, I can't help but speculate we'd be very good together.
Beverly Hofstadter: True. I've had a similar observation. It's certainly something I could never do with my husband.
Sheldon: I was hesitant the first time I tried it, but I experienced an unanticipated and remarkable release of endorphins. It's quite satisfying.
Beverly Hofstadter: I see what you're doing. You're appealing to the neuroscientific researcher in me.
Sheldon: You see right through me, don't you?
Beverly Hofstadter: Only when you're in a CAT scanner.