Dr. Koothrappali Quotes Page 1 of 2

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Quote from the episode The Propagation Proposition

Dr. Koothrappali: Well, that's not going to be our story. Our story is that she's a liar. And-and old. An old, dirty liar.
Raj: Oh, no. She's-she's actually great. I'm the one who screwed up.
Dr. Koothrappali: Well, don't say that to them. She's bad. You're good. They have to pay me back for my wedding deposits.
Raj: (sighs) This is all my fault. I should have I should have just trusted her.
Dr. Koothrappali: So you're saying you still want to get married? Fine. Then I'll call her parents and we'll straighten this whole thing out.
Raj: I don't think she wants to marry me. And honestly she deserves someone better.
Dr. Koothrappali: Rajesh, you need to stop being so hard on yourself. You're a good man.
Raj: Wow. Y-You've never told me that.
Dr. Koothrappali: You're also a dope.
Raj: That you've said.
Dr. Koothrappali: But your heart's in the right place, and you deserve happiness.
So you just need to figure out what you want, and if that means cancelling the wedding, we cancel the wedding.
Raj: Thank you.
Dr. Koothrappali: But figure it out quickly, or I'll be celebrating my next birthday with a lot more elephants and marigolds than I expected.

Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Dr. Koothrappali: All right. Let me ask you a question. What do you think of this woman?
Raj: Oh. Oh, my God, she's beautiful. Is that who you're going to set me up with?
Dr. Koothrappali: No! That's who I'm dating. But maybe she has an older sister.

Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Dr. Koothrappali: Hello?
Raj: Hey, Dad.
Dr. Koothrappali: Rajesh. What a nice surprise, calling me on my birthday.
Raj: Yes. That's why I'm calling. And-and what better gift to give you than the gift of marrying an Indian woman, just like you've always wanted.
Dr. Koothrappali: My goodness, Rajesh, this is exciting news. Who is she?
Raj: You tell me.
Dr. Koothrappali: What?
Raj: I want you to arrange a marriage for me. I'm just so tired of being single, and I'm finally just I'm-I'm ready to settle down.
Dr. Koothrappali: I can't just call up some girl's dad and make her marry you. It's-it's not 2015 anymore.

Quote from the episode The Confidence Erosion

Dr. Koothrappali: I, too, was in a relationship with someone who made me feel bad about myself.
Raj: If you're talking about Mom, I don't want to hear it.
Dr. Koothrappali: I'm just saying, if you replace Howard with a nice 22-year-old grad student, your self-confidence will soar.

Quote from the episode The Confidence Erosion

Dr. Koothrappali: Son, don't take this the wrong way, but what's your problem?
Raj: I would tell you, but apparently it takes 45 minutes.

Quote from the episode The Allowance Evaporation

Dr. Koothrappali: Oh, no, my grown son is going to stop spending all my money. Where did I fail as a father?!
Raj: Yeah, that's right. Keep asking yourself that! But I still love you very much, so don't cut me out of the will.

Quote from the episode The Allowance Evaporation

Raj: I can't believe what I'm hearing. This is deeply hurtful.
Dr. Koothrappali: You're also too sensitive. Women don't want that either.

Quote from the episode The Allowance Evaporation

Raj: Uh, listen, I just wanted to let you know when you get my credit card bill, it might be a little high this month.
Dr. Koothrappali: Well, you're a grown man with a steady job. Why wouldn't you spend all your father's money?

Quote from the episode The Allowance Evaporation

Dr. Koothrappali: You're an adult who can't get by without an allowance from his parents. Women don't want that.
Raj: What are you saying, that you're giving up on me? What kind of father gives up on his son?
Dr. Koothrappali: I have six children, five of whom are married and self-sufficient. I don't think I'm the problem.

Quote from the episode The Dependence Transcendence

Bernadette: But I thought I'd be more excited.
Dr. Koothrappali: Oh, being excited isn't a guarantee of anything. Rajesh's mother was thrilled when she was pregnant with him. After he was born, she doted on his every move. And you know what happened? He broke her heart, moved halfway around the world, and dates only poor white women. So you never know.

Quote from the episode The Dependence Transcendence

Dr. Koothrappali: What seems to be the trouble?
Bernadette: Something's wrong. I don't care about any of the baby stuff every other mom is so into. Honestly, I'm not even sure I like babies.
Dr. Koothrappali: Look, some people are baby people, and some people are not baby people. It doesn't mean you won't love your own baby.

Quote from the episode The Dependence Transcendence

Dr. Koothrappali: Hello, Rajesh. Are you calling to ask for money?
Raj: What? No.
Dr. Koothrappali: Are you calling to ask for things that cost money?
Raj: No.
Dr. Koothrappali: Great. What's up?

Quote from the episode The Clean Room Infiltration

Dr. Koothrappali: I see you got engaged.
Penny: Yes, we did.
Dr. Koothrappali: Let me tell you a story.
Raj: Dad.
Dr. Koothrappali: Sorry. I'm sure you won't grow to hate each other.

Quote from the episode The Clean Room Infiltration

Dr. Koothrappali: Relax? Easy for you to say. Your mother isn't cleaning out your bank account. Forty years, the woman never cleaned a thing.

Quote from the episode The Clean Room Infiltration

Penny: So, Dr. Koothrappali, long flight?
Dr. Koothrappali: Twenty hours.
Penny: Ooh, that's rough.
Dr. Koothrappali: Not at all. Did you know that when you fly Transcontinental without your wife, you don't pray for the plane to crash?

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