Howard Wolowitz Quotes Page 1 of 72

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Quote from the episode The VCR Illumination

Howard: But if I'm gonna go through with this, I have to do it my own way.
Bernadette: I respect that, and I'm glad that I helped lead you to this moment.
Howard: Stop trying to make this your victory!

Quote from the episode The VCR Illumination

Bernadette: Look, I get that you're scared, but we just have to push past that.
Howard: I'm not scared. I don't like the act. It's over-the-top and weird and has more jazz hands than magic.
Bernadette: Why didn't you say something earlier?
Howard: You seemed like you were so happy, and then when I tried to say something, you seemed like you were so mad.

Quote from the episode The VCR Illumination

Howard: I'm not gonna audition.
Bernadette: Hey, I didn't raise a quitter.
Howard: You didn't raise me at all.

Quote from the episode The VCR Illumination

Bernadette: Hey, I'm gonna take tomorrow off so we can spend the whole day running the act.
Howard: You know what, it has been so much fun working on this with you, but-
Bernadette: But what?
Howard: It hasn't.

Quote from the episode The VCR Illumination

Bernadette: Put it back on. You look adorable.
Howard: It's just a practice tape from when I was trying to become a member of the Magic Castle.
Bernadette: I didn't know you auditioned there.
Howard: Oh, I never went through with it. I watched the tape and realized I wasn't good enough. You know that trick where you saw a mannequin in half?
Bernadette: Don't you mean a lady?
Howard: Thank God it was not a lady. I'd just be getting out of jail.

Quote from the episode The VCR Illumination

Bernadette: Is that a VCR?
Howard: Yeah, Amy asked if we had one she could borrow and I just want to make sure it still works.
Bernadette: What's on the tape?
Howard: Not sure. I used to record a lot of Jeopardy! for my mom, but if I push play and you see some naked people-
Bernadette: Got it. "What is porn?"
Howard: Ooh, we were looking for "vintage '80s erotica," but I'll accept it.

Quote from the episode The VCR Illumination

Penny: We should just try and avoid anything that makes them think of their project or science or Nobel Prizes or successes or failures.
Amy: Hi.
Leonard: Hi!
Penny: Hey, guys.
Raj: Hey!
Amy: What are you guys doing?
Bernadette: Nothing.
Sheldon: Nothing? Like what my career has come to? Thanks a lot.
Howard: Nice going.

Quote from the episode The VCR Illumination

Leonard: Uh, also no talk of Rocky IV.
Bernadette: Why Rocky IV?
Howard: Because he fights a Russian. I'm sorry about her.

Quote from the episode The Citation Negation

Raj: Why do I have to tell him?
Leonard: You did find it.
Raj: But he's the one who translated it.
Leonard: Okay, okay, how about this? We all tell him.
Howard: Or even better: you tell him.
Raj: Yeah, that makes the most sense.
Leonard: You guys are such cowards.
Howard: Yes, we are.

Quote from the episode The Citation Negation

Leonard: Sheldon is not gonna be happy about this.
Howard: Well, he's gonna be less happy about this: "The super-asymmetric model is inherently flawed and does not bear the weight of further examination."
Leonard: Hmm. So this disproves their theory?
Howard: Sounds like it.
Leonard: Oh, how are we gonna tell him?
Howard: That's easy. Just go up to him and say, "Sheldon, Raj has something to tell you."

Quote from the episode The Citation Negation

Howard: This paper is called "Examinations of a Super-Asymmetric Model of the Universe" by Dr. Vasily Gregora-poli-popivich.
Leonard: W-Wait, so Amy and Sheldon weren't the first to think of super-asymmetry?
Howard: No, doesn't look like it. This is from 1978.
Leonard: Okay, well, they might need to rename their theory "The Cooper-Fowler Gregora-poli-popivich Theory."
Howard: Kind of rolls right off your tongue, doesn't it?

Quote from the episode The Citation Negation

Howard: This one's how you move, this is how you shoot. "A" jumps, "B" puts you into build mode.
Raj: And depending on what you want to build, you can use LB, RB, LT, or RT.
Bernadette: Just put me in, I'll figure it out.
Howard: Oh, sounds like me on our honeymoon.
Raj: Okay, you're skydiving down. You're almost to the ground. Now, when you land, you're gonna want- (gunfire) Okay, you're dead.
Bernadette: Wait, that's it? That wasn't fun at all.
Howard: Oh, now it sounds like you on our honeymoon.

Quote from the episode The Citation Negation

Raj: Bam, took him out. (chuckles) Now I'm doing a victory dance to celebrate. Where are you?
Howard: About to shoot some dancing jackass.
Raj: Hey!
Howard: And now I'm doing a victory dance.

Quote from the episode The Consummation Deviation

Howard: It's okay. Here, let me show you again.
Mr. Fowler: It's like you're actually magic.
Bernadette: You can do that but you still can't get my bra off.
Howard: The rings don't roll their eyes at me.

Quote from the episode The Consummation Deviation

Mr. Fowler: Oh, how did you do that?
Howard: Sorry, a magician never shares his secrets.
Mr. Fowler: I'll give you a hundred bucks.
Howard: Sold!
Mr. Fowler: Okay. Hey. Where's my wallet?
Howard: Voilà!

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