Howard Wolowitz Quotes Page 2 of 77

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Quote from the episode The Maternal Conclusion

Howard: It just feels like Denise is basically living with us. You know, maybe you can spend half the time at her place.
Stuart: Hey, when I moved in, you and Bernadette said it was okay if I brought girls over.
Howard: [laughs] Oh. We were making fun of you.

Quote from the episode The Maternal Conclusion

Raj: How come we never eat in the dining room?
Bernadette: Oh, that's for company.
Raj: What am I?
Howard: Apparently, a guy who wants to have his feelings hurt.

Quote from the episode The Maternal Conclusion

Bernadette: That's whose handwriting that is.
Raj: I've noticed she's been over here a lot lately.
Howard: You know how you noticed that? Because you're over here a lot lately.

Quote from the episode The Plagiarism Schism

Howard: Listen, I did something kind of stupid today.
Bernadette: Okay.
Howard: I went to The Cheesecake Factory to try to figure out who that waitress was.
Bernadette: Howie.
Howard: Don't worry, I didn't find out, because I realized I didn't even care. While I was there, I started asking myself, "Why does this mean anything to me?" And I guess the truth is it was all about my vanity. And why should I need to be validated by another woman liking me when the best woman in the world already loves me? And I just wanted you to know that. [chuckles]
Bernadette: The restaurant manager already called. You really creeped a lot of people out.
Howard: And I regret that. [chuckles] Because the only woman I want to creep out is the mother of my children.
Bernadette: Well, you're off to a good start.

Quote from the episode The Plagiarism Schism

Raj: Oh, well, who was it?
Howard: It doesn't even matter. I'm happily married. The point is women - plural - find me appealing.

Quote from the episode The Plagiarism Schism

Howard: It could've been anybody. Marta, Gina, Annalise-
Raj: It's a little creepy that you remember all their names.
Howard: Not just their names. The cars they drove, the color of their eyes, and whether or not they had boyfriends.

Quote from the episode The Plagiarism Schism

Howard: Oh, she still works there? Who was it?
Bernadette: Why does it matter?
Howard: You're right, it doesn't matter 'cause I got the best one. Was it Susan?
Bernadette: Why? Because she's tall?
Howard: Good night.

Quote from the episode The Decision Reverberation

Raj: Now I'm some sort of big joke. I'm even on some alien conspiracy blog. See? "Caltech astrophysicist finds proof of alien life''
Howard: Wow, that is not a great picture of you.

Quote from the episode The Decision Reverberation

Raj: Well, that's the lecture for today. Uh, let's open it up for questions. Uh- Oh, you! Sir, yes. You have a question?
Howard: Yeah. Actually, I have a two-part question.
Raj: Are you sure? I get the sense it's only one part.
Howard: No, no, it's two. Part one: the new star you were talking about. How long did it take that light to reach Earth? And part two: is it true you plant your friends in the audience to ask questions?
Raj: 46,000 years. And no, I don't plant my friends, because apparently, I don't have any.

Quote from the episode The Decision Reverberation

Leonard: Actually, 3-D kind of makes me queasy.
Sheldon: No, but we have to see it in 3-D. We saw part one in 3-D, and the 2-D part two is not the part two of the 3-D part one.
Howard: He's got you there, Leonard. Or he doesn't. I don't really care anymore.

Quote from the episode The Inspiration Deprivation

Howard: On a positive note, the scooter helped Bert meet a girl.
Bernadette: Oh, that's nice. What does she do?
Howard: She's an E.R. nurse.
Bernadette: Oh, no.
Howard: No. It was a real meet-cute. She popped his arm back in the socket, and when he came to, they exchanged phone numbers.

Quote from the episode The Inspiration Deprivation

Howard: It wasn't a curfew; it was just a time of night where if I got home after that, she would be mad.

Quote from the episode The Inspiration Deprivation

Howard: It's a scooter. It can go on some highways.

Quote from the episode The Inspiration Deprivation

Howard: Are your eyes closed?
Raj: Yes. What is it? Show me.
Howard: Okay, open them.
Raj: You bought me a scooter?! No, I bought me a scooter!
Raj: Then why did you make me close my eyes?
Howard: I wanted to see the expression on your face when you saw how happy I was.

Quote from the episode The Inspiration Deprivation

Howard: [engine starts] Check it out. [engine revving] That there, son, is 12 horses of "eye-talian" thunder.

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