Howard Wolowitz Quotes Page 3 of 77
Quote from the episode The Inspiration Deprivation
Howard: [engine starts] Check it out. [engine revving] That there, son, is 12 horses of "eye-talian" thunder.
Quote from the episode The Inspiration Deprivation
Howard: Are your eyes closed?
Raj: Yes. What is it? Show me.
Howard: Okay, open them.
Raj: You bought me a scooter?! No, I bought me a scooter!
Raj: Then why did you make me close my eyes?
Howard: I wanted to see the expression on your face when you saw how happy I was.
Quote from the episode The Inspiration Deprivation
Raj: Hey, I forget, why did you sell the scooter?
Howard: I finally got my woman. Then my woman made me sell it.
Quote from the episode The Inspiration Deprivation
Raj: Well, does take me back.
Howard: Yeah, the two of us, cruising around town looking for women.
Raj: Looking and looking and looking. Remember that time one looked back and said hi?
Howard: Oh, yeah. We drove away so fast.
Quote from the episode The Inspiration Deprivation
Raj: Hey, check it out. That looks like the moped you used to have.
Howard: It wasn't a moped. It was a scooter.
Raj: How's that better?
Howard: You do not want to walk into a scooter bar and ask that question.
Quote from the episode The Inspiration Deprivation
Raj: Relax. You're probably just gonna get a slap on the wrist.
Howard: Maybe, but do not ask for that, on the wrist or anywhere else.
Quote from the episode The Inspiration Deprivation
Amy: Guys, come on, I think I'm in trouble.
Howard: It's no big deal. I used to get called into H.R. all the time. Ms. Davis is great. Pro tip: if you find strong women sexy, do not say it out loud.
Quote from the episode The Laureate Accumulation
Howard: "Once upon a time, there was a little astronaut who was sitting in a rocket waiting to go to space. And while all the other astronauts laughed and joked, he stayed quiet, because he had a secret. He was scared. He had another secret, too. He was only pretending to be scared to trick the alien king."
Bernadette: Howie.
Howard: Fine. There was no alien. [chuckles] There was a bossy wife, though. We'll get to her later.
Quote from the episode The Laureate Accumulation
Bernadette: I'm just a wife that is so proud of her husband, and doesn't think that he has anything to be embarrassed about.
Howard: Oh. You're sounding less and less Jewish.
Quote from the episode The Laureate Accumulation
Howard: So what do you think?
Bernadette: I think if you were in space without a shirt on, you'd die.
Howard: Oh. No, I am wearing a shirt. It's just skintight, so you can see my pecs.
Bernadette: When did you get pecs?
Howard: Yesterday, when I made Stuart add them.
Quote from the episode The Laureate Accumulation
Bernadette: Howie, what I liked about the other story was that it was real. I mean, nothing in this actually happened to you.
Howard: So, it's a children's book. I mean, cats don't wear hats. And if someone gives you green eggs, it ends with you on the toilet trying to make a deal with God.
Quote from the episode The Laureate Accumulation
Bernadette: But the real story was so sweet. The little astronaut was afraid, but he still went to space, and that's what made him brave.
Howard: [scoffs] But in space, the other astronauts made fun of him, and that's a thing he doesn't want to relive.
Bernadette: I get that. I guess it would just take a really brave man to put an embarrassing story like that out into the world, just so it might help some frightened children not feel so alone.
Howard: Wow. That is quite the guilt trip. Are you sure you're not Jewish?
Quote from the episode The Laureate Accumulation
Stuart: Uh, Bernadette said you weren't crazy about the book.
Howard: No. It's great. I just don't want anyone to ever see it or read it or know it exists.
Quote from the episode The Laureate Accumulation
Howard: Well, look, what if we made a few changes?
Stuart: Uh, sure, yes. What-what do you have in mind?
Howard: Well, nothing major. But see here on the cover, where it says "frightened little," what if, I don't know, it didn't say that?
Stuart: So, it would just be The Astronaut?
Howard: Yeah, you're right. That doesn't quite pop. What about The Brave Astronaut? See, that's got some zip to it!
Stuart: Okay.
Howard: And here on this page, where I'm crying. What if, instead, I'm punching a meteor into the sun with my bare fists?
Stuart: So you have superpowers?
Howard: I like the way you're thinking.
Quote from the episode The Laureate Accumulation
Howard: Hey, sweetie, I heard you were afraid of the dark. I know someone else who was afraid of the dark once. Your daddy, when he was in space. And just like you, I was wearing a full diaper.
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