Howard Wolowitz Quotes Page 4 of 77
Quote from the episode The Conference Valuation
Howard: Bernadette thinks I have poor parenting skills.
Leonard: Maybe she's basing that on your poor husbanding skills.
Howard: Who can say? I'm bad at a lot of things.
Quote from the episode The Conference Valuation
Howard: What do you say? We'll play some board games. It'll be like a party.
Leonard: Three guys playing a board game doesn't sound like much of a party.
Howard: [chuckles] Someone doesn't remember college very well.
Quote from the episode The Conference Valuation
Howard: Hey. You guys want to come hang out at my place this weekend?
Raj: So we can help you babysit?
Howard: Uh, it's not babysitting. They're my children.
Leonard: They're not our children.
Howard: Oh. Well, for you guys, then, it is babysitting.
Quote from the episode The Conference Valuation
Howard: Don't worry. I got this covered.
Bernadette: I know you do. Quick question, where are the kids right now?
Howard: They're upstairs.
Bernadette: They're at daycare.
Howard: They're at daycare?
Bernadette: They're upstairs!
Howard: Why are you messing with me?
Quote from the episode The Conference Valuation
Bernadette: Now, the emergency contacts are on the fridge and I left money for food on the table.
Howard: Oh, sounds like I do get paid.
Quote from the episode The D & D Vortex
Wil Wheaton: Hello.
Howard: [imitating Shatner] Wil, Bill Shatner here.
Wil Wheaton: Is this Howard?
Howard: Of course not. It- It's Shatner. If you don't believe me, ask my good friend, Christopher Walken. [imitating Walken] Hello, Bill and I are just hanging out at The Polo Lounge.
Raj: Mr. Shatner, Mr. Walken, here are your martinis. [glass dings]
Howard: [whispering in normal voice] What are you doing?
Raj: I'm filling out the world.
Howard: You're ruining it.
Wil Wheaton: No, he's not.
Raj: Thanks, Wil.
Quote from the episode The D & D Vortex
Raj: But y-you blocked your number, right?
Howard: Relax, this is not my first creepy phone call. It's like riding a bike ... slowly past a girl's house.
Quote from the episode The D & D Vortex
Sheldon: I will admit the meeting did not go the way I wanted.
Howard: [imitating Shatner] Because you barfed where no man has barfed before?
Quote from the episode The Donation Oscillation
Howard: But I've done this before. And since you really, really want to go, I'll stay here.
Bernadette: Oh. Great.
Howard: Unless you don't want to because I was right and I do know you.
Bernadette: Well, if you really know me, then you know how far I'll go to prove a point.
Howard: Apparently, 34,000 feet that way, then straight back down, up and down, over and over again until you throw up food you didn't even eat.
Quote from the episode The Donation Oscillation
Bernadette: Howie, I don't think I should do this.
Howard: Really? Well, I did not see that coming.
Quote from the episode The Donation Oscillation
Bernadette: I'm a thrill-seeker, too. I've had to pull back since I became a mom, but I'll still jump on the back of a grocery cart and just roll through the meat section.
Howard: And I'm married to her, which is quite a ride.
Quote from the episode The Donation Oscillation
Bernadette: So you don't want me to go?
Howard: No, I want you to go if you're gonna have fun. I don't want you to go if you're gonna be miserable and ruin it for everyone. Which is a long way of saying I want you to go!
Quote from the episode The Donation Oscillation
Bernadette: Why didn't you invite me?
Howard: Because I know you. You don't want to float weightless in an airplane.
Bernadette: What are you talking about? I love doing crazy stuff like that.
Howard: Bernie, you got sick from the teacup ride at Disneyland.
Bernadette: Lots of people do.
Howard: We were still in line.
Quote from the episode The Donation Oscillation
Howard: No, just the bachelor party I had planned. I thought we'd do it anyway.
Bernadette: Oh, so a guys' weekend?
Howard: Kinda. I mean, Sheldon and Leonard couldn't make it, so Raj invited Anu and I asked Stuart.
Bernadette: Wait, you invited Stuart before me?
Howard: Actually, I invited Bert before Stuart, but I don't know why I just told you that.
Quote from the episode The Donation Oscillation
Leonard: Yeah, I can't go either. Penny's dad is visiting from Nebraska, and I haven't seen him for a while.
Raj: Oh, that's nice you guys get along. I forget, Howard, does your father-in-law still hate you?
Howard: He doesn't hate me. He's just disappointed that I'm not any other man on the planet.
Sheldon: That's how I feel about Ben Affleck as Batman.
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