Howard: Nobody ever expects me. And bam! Howard Wolowitz.

Bernadette: Come on, Howard, you're overreacting.
Howard: Am I? Am I? What do you want to bet some black ops guy is reprinting my high school yearbook and I'm no longer in it? That chess club picture is now just David Zimmerman and Elaine Cho.

Howard: You know, the Pishkin-Wolowitz liquid-waste-disposal system is turning a few heads as well.
Ramona: Again, ew.

Sheldon: If I'm not taking credit for our work, then nobody is!
Leonard: So, you admit that it's our work!
Sheldon: No, once again I'm throwing you a bone. And once again, you are welcome.
Howard: Oh no he didn't!

Howard: So it's settled. The fate of Doctor Who's TARDIS will be decided by a Game of Thrones-inspired death match on the battlefield of Thundercats versus Transformers.

Howard: Bernie, Stuart just pulled up. So remember, the key is to be firm. Show no weakness.
Bernadette: Right.
Howard: Good luck.

Raj: Okay, so it's a, it's a David and Goliath story. It's about man against God. It's called "Hammer and Whip: The Untold Story of Thor vs. Indiana Jones."
Howard: Thor vs. Indiana Jones? You just blew my filking mind.

Howard: We've only been doing this 20 minutes?!
Raj: You know, I read that washing dishes can be an excellent form of meditation. The key is that while washing the dishes one should only be washing the dishes.
Howard: Just because you have that accent doesn't mean what you say isn't stupid.

Bernadette: I just wish Stuart wasn't around so we didn't have to be so quiet.
Howard: I know. It's not like he returns the favor when he watches his Japanese porn cartoons.

Howard: I'll give it to him next time I see him.
Bernadette: Have you heard from him since he left?
Howard: No. You'd think he would've called once he got settled in.
Bernadette: Hmm, maybe he's busy.
Howard: Too busy to call? He wasn't too busy to binge-watch Hot in Cleveland with my Hulu password.

Bernadette: The real question is, where are you with Emily?
Raj: Uh, it's hard to say. I think we're good, but things like this make me wonder if Emily's really the right person for me. I mean, did you guys ever have doubts about each other?
Howard: No. Never.
Bernadette: Absolutely.
Howard: What?
Bernadette: Howie, you forget how much of our early dates involved you doing magic and me doing this.
Howard: Fine. I had reservations about you, too.
Bernadette: No, you didn't.
Howard: No, I didn't.
Bernadette: Well, it doesn't matter now, 'cause I love how things worked out.
Howard: Me, too. And I think you're even more beautiful than this rose.

Howard: You're still at my mother's?
Raj: I'm trapped. My clothes have been in the laundry all day, and she hid my keys. I think they might be in her bra, because she jingles when she walks. What do I do?
Howard: Hey, you wanted a woman in your life. Now you got one.

Leonard: You're awful quiet, everything okay?
Sheldon: I'm concerned about Amy. She's acting a bit odd lately.
Howard: Oh, well, j-just out of curiosity, what registers as odd to you?

Bernadette: Howie, there's a lot of amazing things you can teach a son.
Raj: Yeah. You do always know how to pick just the right antacid.
Howard: I don't know if I can teach that. It's just something I was born with.

Bernadette: This was your idea.
Howard: So was having sex, and look where that got us.
Bernadette: This isn't a big deal. Stop whining.
Howard: When you were in labor and I said that, you kicked me.