Raj: Aren't you gonna to eat lunch?
Howard: Nah, I blew my food allowance on Pokemon cards.

Raj: Oh, okay, great. Now, I can look like Val Kilmer as Batman, instead of Val Kilmer as he looks today.
Howard: All right, you can suck it in a little bit.

Howard: My wife came with both fun bags and money bags.

Cop: You guys need me to call someone? I'm guessing your moms?
Leonard: Thanks, but we've got it covered.
Howard: Okay, I just talked to my mom.

Raj: Are they actually arguing about comic books?
Leonard: No, that can't be right.
Howard: Maybe "Thor's Hammer" is a new color of nail polish.

Howard: I wish my mom was here. We could all hang out in her shadow.

Sheldon: I think you should turn on the GPS.
Leonard: It is on.
Sheldon: But the turn-by-turn voice option isn't on. I know I'd feel more safe if you turn on the turn-by-turn voice option. I love the turn-by-turn voice option.
Howard: Has it really only been ten miles?

Raj: Howard built a sex robot.
Howard: That is not true. All I did was build a robot.
Ms. Davis: Did it have six breasts?
Howard: I'm sorry, I'm a feminist, I don't notice things like how many breasts a robot has.

Leonard: Sheldon's assistant asked me on a date last night.
Raj: How could you do that to me? You know I've been working it with Alex for weeks.
Leonard: Working it? You can't even talk to her.
Raj: I talk with my eyes.
Howard: You look like my little cousin when he's dropping one in his diaper.

Howard: Relax. Everything's gonna be fine. Before I met Bernadette I was in here every other day. Uh, little tip, turn off your I Like Big Butts ring tone before you go in.

Sheldon: Svaty Vaclav is better known as Good King Wenceslas from the beloved Victorian Christmas carol.
Howard: Never heard of it. Must be the one Christmas song not written by a Jewish guy.

Bernadette: Saturday night? But I've been working late all week. That was gonna be our night.
Howard: But I have to go. We play as a group. If I'm not there, then everyone will blame you. They'll be all, Bernadette ruined everything. She's the worst. So, you see? I have to play Dungeons and Dragons for the marriage.
Bernadette: You're an idiot.
Howard: I'm your idiot. Forever!

Howard: Yeah, well, my quality father-son time was spending my adolescence looking out the window waiting for my dad to come back someday.
Raj: Yeah, okay, Howard wins.

Howard: Oh, you like to fish?
Mike Rostenkowski: Yes.
Howard: Sure. I can hear it in your voice.
Mrs. Rostenkowski: Oh, if he didn't like it, he wouldn't go.
Howard: You know, I hadn't thought of that.

Mike Rostenkowski: Hold up. Bless us, O Lord for these Thy gifts which we are about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Howard: Took the words right out of my mouth.