Howard: When you're in a public restroom, which foot do you flush the toilet with?
Sheldon: Right. Always right.
Howard: He's a righty.

Raj: I feel cool. Like Puss in Boots.
Leonard: I always wanted to be a swashbuckler when I was a kid.
Sheldon: Technically, swashbuckler is a combination of two terms. Swash referring to the sound of the sword. Swash. And then buckler, meaning a small shield, which you don't have.
Raj: We can still be swashers.
Howard: Hmm, well said, Puss.

Barry Kripke: Well, sorry to disappoint you, but fencing is a serious sport. If you're not willing to put in the effort, you might as well just leave now.
Sheldon: We're not afraid of physical activity.
Howard: Yeah, I already ran 18 miles today.

Raj: When was the last actual exercise you got?
Howard: The other day when she tried to put that Fitbit on me and I ran away from her.

Raj: Okay, so it's a, it's a David and Goliath story. It's about man against God. It's called "Hammer and Whip: The Untold Story of Thor vs. Indiana Jones."
Howard: Thor vs. Indiana Jones? You just blew my filking mind.

Howard: "Thunder clapped as Thor raised his mighty hammer. Indy rapped, 'That's one bad mamma-jamma.'
Raj: That-that is so good!
Howard: Right? Mamma-jamma just came to me.

Howard: You put up a good fight, lug nut, but you've met your match.

Howard: What are you doing?
Raj: It's called Lamaze breathing. It helps you push.
Howard: Great! He's pushing with his uterus.

Leonard: Hey, watch your speed. I hear the Mexican police target tourists.
Howard: Oh, not a problem. If anything goes down, we just put Koothrappali in the driver's seat and slap a sombrero on his head.
Raj: Dude, how many races can you offend in a single breath?
Howard: I don't know. Have you watched the Olympics with me?

Leonard: That's not helpful.
Howard: Then I won't say I'd like to cover three quarters of her surface area.

Howard: Leonard, wait.
Leonard: What?
Howard: I'd like to Spongebob her Squarepants.
Raj: Now we are done.

Bernadette: Hands off. I'm mad at you.
Howard: Look, I know it's a lot of money, but the guy at the store said in five to seven years it'll pay for itself.
Bernadette: What will pay for itself?
Howard: Doesn't matter. What are you mad about?

Howard: And you have every right to be mad about those things, so why don't you let me handle the credit card bill for this month? Don't even look at it.

Howard: And I wish Leonard never told me. He's the bad guy here.
Bernadette: I guess that's true.
Howard: And you let Penny marry him. Compared to that, who cares if I bought a George Clooney limited edition Manscaping kit.

Leonard: How is my day-old marriage falling apart becoming about you two?
Raj: Hang on. (To Howard) What do I need to do to make you trust me?
Howard: You think it's hard having one wife? Try having two!