Howard: Wait a minute, Farminfarmian is speaking and you're bogarting the symposium?
Leonard: Howard, I'm sorry. We're-
Howard: No, no. You're quark-blocking us.

Howard: I have a girlfriend now.
Priya: Hey, good for you.
Howard: Yeah, I just wanna put it out there in case I inadvertently squirt any pheromones in your direction.

Howard: Look, there are plenty of bars in Los Angeles where you can order grasshoppers and chocolate martinis, but you wouldn't have to because there are no women in them.

Leonard: How about those two?
Howard: Nah, they're eating peanuts. My allergies, one kiss would put me in Cedar-Sinai for a week.

Howard: Big fight with my mother.
Leonard: Still arguing over which CSI is the best?
Howard: No, we agreed they all have their merits. This was about Bernadette.

Bernadette: Come on, let's go home so I can tear off those little pants.
Howard: Great. Just keep in mind astronauts lose a lot of muscle tone in space, so you might have to do most of the heavy lifting.

Howard: Well, that was quick and a little gross. Now I know how she feels.

Sheldon: It was a map leading to the lost treasure of the famous pirate One-Eyed Willy.
Howard: Nice try. That's the plot for Goonies.

Leonard: Remember when you were wondering why the girls didn't want to eat with us tonight?
Howard: Yeah, I get it now.

Howard: Well, we appear to have reached an impasse. And you know, I have to say, I thought you'd be more upset that your laptop is sitting on my junk.

Penny: He just doesn't know he wants one because he's never had one.
Howard: I suppose that's possible, but for the record, I've never had a threesome and yet I still know I want one.

Leonard: Say what you will about the healthcare system in this country, but when they're afraid of lawsuits they sure test everything.
Howard: I really don't think the colonoscopy was necessary.

Howard: Yep. It's officially a bro-mance.

Howard: Howard Wolowitz, department of engineering, co-designer of the International Space Station's Liquid Waste Disposal System.
Ramona: Ew.

Howard: You know, the Pishkin-Wolowitz Liquid Waste Disposal System is turning a few heads as well.
Ramona: Again, ew.