Howard Wolowitz Quotes Page 52 of 77

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Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Raj: I've been doing some research on strippers. One agency I spoke to, said I could get us a great price if we're flexible on age range and number of limbs.
Howard: Sounds like loads of fun, but I promised Bernadette no strippers.
Raj: You don't want strippers? You're the king of strippers. The one club in North Hollywood named a pole after you.
Howard: What can I tell ya, I'm not into that stuff any more.

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Leonard: Good for you, Howard. I'm proud of you. And still, you're the first one of us to get married. We have to do something special.
Sheldon: You know Germans have an interesting pre-wedding custom.
Howard: Well, it's probably not for me.

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Raj: The only threesome I've ever had in my life, and I'm proud to say it was with this man right here.
Howard: Oh, please shut up.

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Howard: Thank you for picking us up. There's a warning, right there, on the Scotch bottle. "You cannot be operatin heavy machinery after you had a snootful of this, laddie!"

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Howard: I need to talk to Bernadette.
Penny: Well, I don't think she wants to talk to anyone right now.
Howard: All right, well, could you at least give her a message?
Penny: Yeah, sure, I guess.
Howard: Tell her I'm really sorry, and if she doesn't want to marry me, I get it. But what I really want her to know is the guy that she's disgusted by, is the guy that I'm disgusted by, too. But that guy doesn't exist any more, he's gone, and the reason is because of her. So, if this relationship is over, let her know that she made me a better man, and tell her thank you.

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Bernadette: Is there anything else about your past I should know?
Howard: Couple things, but, you know, most of them happened overseas. I'll tell you later.

Quote from the episode The Hawking Excitation

Howard: Sheldon, you're a condescending jerk. Why on earth would I want to do something nice for you?
Sheldon: To go to Jewish heaven.
Howard: Jews don't have heaven.
Sheldon: To avoid Jewish hell?
Howard: Have you met my mother? I live in Jewish hell.

Quote from the episode The Hawking Excitation

Wolowitz: You don't seem to be understanding the English word no. Maybe a different language will help. Russian: Nyet. Chinese: Bu. Japanese: iie. Klingon: qo. Binary-coded ASCII: 01101110 01101111.
Sheldon: It's actually 01100111.

Quote from the episode The Hawking Excitation


Sheldon: I'm not asking for me. I'm asking for Hawking.

Wolowitz: Let me try it gangsta, hellz naw!

Quote from the episode The Hawking Excitation

Sheldon: Howard, please. This is Stephen Hawking. Perhaps my only intellectual equal.
Howard: Oh, you can't be serious.

Quote from the episode The Hawking Excitation

Sheldon: I did it. Had to go to three clothing stores, but we finally found a dress that could envelop your mother.
Howard: I should have sent you to the custom car cover place in Altadena. They have her pattern on file.

Quote from the episode The Hawking Excitation

Howard: So, I got the craziest e-mail this morning.
Raj: I don't mean to burst your bubble, dude, but those penile enlargement pills do not work.
Howard: Believe me, I know.

Quote from the episode The Hawking Excitation

Howard: The e-mail I got was from the office of Stephen Hawking.
Leonard: You're kidding.
Raj: Why?
Howard: He's coming to the university for a couple weeks to lecture, and he's looking for an engineer to help maintain the equipment on his wheelchair.
Leonard: That's amazing. You'll be like his pit crew. A word of caution, I would not do your Stephen Hawking impression in front of him.
Howard: (imitating Stephen Hawking) You're right. I suppose that could be considered offensive.

Quote from the episode The Hawking Excitation

Howard: I'll give your paper to Professor Hawking.
Sheldon: Great, thank you. Oh, that's terrific.
Howard: But in exchange, I'd like you to do a few things for me.
Sheldon: What kinds of things?
Howard: Are you familiar with the 12 labors of Hercules?
Sheldon: Of course.
Howard: You should be so lucky.

Quote from the episode The Hawking Excitation

Howard: Here is a black light to check them. And for your own peace of mind, you might not want to shine that around the rest of the room.

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