Howard: A lot of ma's stuff brings back fond memories.
Bernadette: Is that why you couldn't get rid of her drawer full of ketchup packets?
Howard: Yes. It reminds me of us eating out, and her saying "Quick, no one's looking, fill your pockets with ketchup."

Howard: I think you broke the dowels. You're not gonna have time to glue it back on. You'll have to nail it.
Raj: With what?
Howard: Does she have any pillows or wine glasses?
Raj: She does.
Howard: Great. Neither of those. Try a hammer!
Raj: Did that feel good? You feel like a big man now?

Howard: How are the taxes going?
Bernadette: Okay, but you've got a lot of receipts for the Lego store in here.
Howard: Those are business expenses. You can write those off.
Bernadette: A $200 R2-D2 is a business expense?
Howard: Oh, Bernie, you're gonna have to sound a lot more confident when we get audited.

Raj: What are you doing?
Howard: Just playing video games while Bernie does the taxes.
Raj: What are you a little kid? Is she gonna cut your dinner in to little pieces, too?
Howard: She doesn't have to. I filled up on Jelly Beans.

Raj: Oh no, oh no, oh God, no.
Howard: You know what? You sound busy. I'm going to let you go.

Howard: Hey, good news, you don't have to sulk about Penny any more. Look, there are hundreds of Croatian women just waiting for you to contact them.
Leonard: Anythingforagreencard.com?
Howard: I'll lend you my user name, it's wealthybigpenis.
Leonard: You're joking.
Howard: Well, you gotta make it easy for them. They're just learning English.

Howard: Howard Wolowitz, department of engineering, co-designer of the International Space Station's Liquid Waste Disposal System.
Ramona: Ew.

Howard: You know, the Pishkin-Wolowitz Liquid Waste Disposal System is turning a few heads as well.
Ramona: Again, ew.

Howard: That doesn't count. Do over! Do over!
Sheldon: There are no do-overs in Wii bowling.
Howard: There are always do-overs when my people play sports.

Howard: Yep. It's officially a bro-mance.

Howard: Okay, I get it. I know how the world works. How about if I were to introduce you to the man who freed your people.
Nurse: Unless my people were freed by Benjamin Franklin and his five twin brothers, you are wasting your time.

Leonard: Say what you will about the healthcare system in this country, but when they're afraid of lawsuits they sure test everything.
Howard: I really don't think the colonoscopy was necessary.

Penny: He just doesn't know he wants one because he's never had one.
Howard: I suppose that's possible, but for the record, I've never had a threesome and yet I still know I want one.

Howard: Your entire job is to find lost luggage and you've narrowed down the location of my mother to the planet Earth?

Howard: Are you kidding me? You lost my mother's ashes?
Airline worker: No, I'm just saying that sometimes bags are misrouted.
Howard: All right, where did you misroute the only woman who ever loved me? The first woman - I meant first.