Howard: I don't know if we have enough solder to finish these circuit boards.
Leonard: We had a full spool yesterday.
Howard: What can I say, I play hard, I solder even harder.

Leonard: What are we gonna tell the girls?
Howard: It's not a problem.
Leonard: I mean without lying.
Howard: And now you've made it a problem.

Stuart: Hey, Leonard.
Leonard: Stuart.
Stuart: Uh, is this not a dress-up party?
Leonard: No.
Stuart: Was it ever a dress-up party?
Leonard: No.
Stuart: Howard, didn't you tell me it was a dress-up party?
Howard: Yeah.

(at the urinals)
Leonard: Maybe we should take a step back.
Howard: Take a step back? I'm not a young man any more.

Howard: I can't believe I was so naive. The military is just gonna take over the whole project. And you know what happens if we object? We disappear. Like off the map. Like every American Idol winner since season four.

Raj: Howard, there must be someone at the university you can go to for help.
Howard: Are you kidding? They're probably the ones who leaked it to the military in the first place.
Raj: What about the guy on the Channel Four News? You know, Four on Your Side? Maybe he can be on your side.
Howard: I'm being harassed by the government, not trying to get to the bottom of a dog-walking scam.

Sheldon: Of course, but before we set up a marketing and distribution infrastructure, we should finish optimizing the manufacturing process. To start with, she has a terrible problem with moisture-induced glitter clump.
Penny: Yeah, it's a bitch.
Howard: Uh, I've seen this before.
Leonard: Where?
Howard: It's a common stripper problem. They dance, they sweat, they clump.

Sheldon: Okay, that, right there, that equivocation and self-doubt, that is not the American spirit. Did Davy Crockett quit at the Alamo? Did Jim Bowie?
Howard: They didn't quit. They were massacred by, like, a gazillion angry Mexicans.

Howard: Hey Mike?
Mike Massimino: Yeah.
Howard: I changed my mind. I don't want to do this.
Mike: Good one.
Howard: Yeah, I'm a funny guy. I also have a hysterical bit planned for later where I pretend to cry through the whole launch.

Mike: Hey, Froot Loops, want to hit your fan switch?
Howard: Check.
Dimitri: He calls you Froot Loops because of your very gay haircut?
Howard: No, it's 'cause I live with my mom and she makes me Froot Loops.
Dimitri: Go with gay story, people are more accepting of that.

Howard: Close your eyes. Put out your hand. I got you something special.
Bernadette: Come on, Howard. I'm not falling for that again.
Howard: No, here.
Bernadette: Oh, Howie. A little star, it's beautiful. Put it on me.
Howard: Okay, but I'm going to have to get it back from you so I can take it to the International Space Station. That way, when I come home, you will have a star that was actually in space.
Bernadette: Oh, my God.
Howard: Take that, every guy who's ever bought you anything.
Bernadette: This is the most amazing gift I've ever gotten.
Howard: Really? Well, if you like it that much, then close your eyes and put out your hand.

Registrar: Folks, can I have your attention. It's five o'clock, we're going to be able to take three more couples. The rest of you will have to come back on Monday.
Bernadette: Oh, no.
Howard: I got this. Excuse me, but is there any way you could squeeze us in? See, I'm an astronaut and I'm leaving for Russia on Sunday so I can take a Soyuz rocket to the International Space Station.
Registrar: Yeah, me, too. I'll see you there.

Howard: Bernie, I have to go pick up my mother. I'll be right back.
Bernadette: Why can't she drive herself?
Howard: She doesn't want to sit in her dress and wrinkle it so I'm going to lay her down in the back of my neighbor's van.

Howard: Ma, you want to move your chair over here so you can see?
Mrs. Wolowitz: I'm fine where I am. I don't want to fall off the roof.
Howard: You'll fall through the roof before you fall off it.

Bernadette: Howard Joel Wolowitz, like you, this is going to be short and sweet. I love you with all my heart and soul and promise to be with you forever.
Howard: Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski...
Mrs. Wolowitz: Speak up!
Howard: Hey, from now on, she's the only women who can yell at me!