Howard Wolowitz Quotes Page 56 of 59

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Quote from the episode The Thespian Catalyst

Howard: Look. Listen to this one. Does Einstein's theory explain why time flies when you're having fun, but when you're listening to Dr. Cooper, it falls out of the sky, dead?

Quote from the episode The Thespian Catalyst

Penny: What are you guys doing?
Leonard: Sheldon gave a lecture at the university tonight. We're reading the reviews.
Penny: Oh. How'd he do?
Howard: Well, picture the Hindenburg meets Chernobyl meets Three Mile Island meets Tron 2.

Quote from the episode The Extract Obliteration

Sheldon: It's been three days. Why hasn't Stephen Hawking played a word?
Raj: The guy's a genius. Maybe you weren't challenging enough for him?
Sheldon: Not challenging? I was humiliating the man. I was thinking of writing a book called A Brief History of the Time I Made Stephen Hawking Cry Like a Little Girl.
Howard: There's the problem. You can't beat Hawking like that. He hates to lose. Everyone knows the guy's a big baby. I mean, forget the wheelchair, he should be in a stroller.

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Howard: I need to talk to Bernadette.
Penny: Well, I don't think she wants to talk to anyone right now.
Howard: All right, well, could you at least give her a message?
Penny: Yeah, sure, I guess.
Howard: Tell her I'm really sorry, and if she doesn't want to marry me, I get it. But what I really want her to know is the guy that she's disgusted by, is the guy that I'm disgusted by, too. But that guy doesn't exist any more, he's gone, and the reason is because of her. So, if this relationship is over, let her know that she made me a better man, and tell her thank you.

Quote from the episode The Explosion Implosion

Howard: Sheldon, what am I gonna do? I mean, what do I know about raising a boy?
Sheldon: What do you know about raising a girl?
Howard: Oh, my God, you're right.
Sheldon: Well, I don't know if that was sarcasm or not.
Howard: So, either you're welcome, or hey!

Quote from the episode The Extract Obliteration

Howard: One time when I was working with him, he said that Johnny Depp was in The Matrix. I told him he was wrong, but he kept insisting. So I looked it up online and showed him. Well, the next day, he had a pizza party, and everyone got invited but me. And then he was all, your invitation must have gotten lost in the matrix.

Quote from the episode The Peanut Reaction

Penny: He just doesn't know he wants one because he's never had one.
Howard: I suppose that's possible, but for the record, I've never had a threesome and yet I still know I want one.

Quote from the episode The Stag Convergence

Bernadette: Is there anything else about your past I should know?
Howard: Couple things, but, you know, most of them happened overseas. I'll tell you later.

Quote from the episode The Bus Pants Utilization

Howard: Ma, Ma, calm down. Listen to me. I know it says click with the mouse, but on a laptop, the trackpad is the mouse. Now, put your finger on it. Doesn't matter which finger. Good choice. Now move it down to your e-mail icon. Yeah, the little envelope. What do you mean, what does it look like? It looks like an envelope! Fine, you don't like the computer, don't use it! Sure, we can exchange it for a salad spinner. Goodbye!

Quote from the episode The Peanut Reaction

Leonard: Say what you will about the healthcare system in this country, but when they're afraid of lawsuits they sure test everything.
Howard: I really don't think the colonoscopy was necessary.

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Howard: If you'd like, we can help you out.
Leonard: Oh, that would be great.
Howard: I mean, not me, I've got a wife and child, but this one posts video of himself flossing on Instagram.
Raj: It was a tutorial. And yes, I'm happy to keep Sheldon company.

Quote from the episode The Hot Tub Contamination

Howard: Those jets are for my secret spot, not his!
Bernadette: What do you do in there?!
Howard: It's called relaxing, and that's all you need to know.

Quote from the episode The Fish Guts Displacement

Mike Rostenkowski: Hold up. Bless us, O Lord for these Thy gifts which we are about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord. Amen.
Howard: Took the words right out of my mouth.

Quote from the episode The Escape Hatch Identification

Howard: I know if the roles were reversed, he would do it for me.
Bernadette: Where would he stay? We already have Stuart.
Howard: Well, we can make some space in the garage. Maybe put a cot out there, get him a space heater, maybe a hot plate.
Bernadette: That sounds awful.
Howard: Let's hope he thinks so, too.

Quote from the episode The Engagement Reaction

Priya: Hey, have you and Howard started planning your wedding yet?
Bernadette: Yeah. Were thinking of having it on a cliff overlooking the ocean.
Howard: Nothing soothes those pre-wedding jitters like the thought of falling and drowning.

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