Howard: Is that the hot tub?
Bernadette: Who would use our hot tub?
Howard: Well, the answer is both more and less disturbing than you think.
Bernadette: Who is it?
Howard: Stuart.

Bernadette: Is it me, or is there something fun about watching him just float there?
Howard: Maybe this is why people get fish tanks.

Howard: Those jets are for my secret spot, not his!
Bernadette: What do you do in there?!
Howard: It's called relaxing, and that's all you need to know.

Raj: Hey, show her the trunk! Show her the trunk!
Howard: Imagine this: you've got the baby in one hand, groceries in the other, and you're thinking, "How am I gonna open this trunk?"
Bernadette: I'm probably thinking, "Where's my husband, and why isn't he helping me?"
Howard: You don't need my help when you can open the trunk with a simple kick of the foot.
Raj: No, it's a gentle kick; you're doing it wrong.

Howard: If childbirth is half this bad, you are so screwed!

Sheldon: Hit it.
*Howard playing keyboards and Raj playing guitar*
Howard: (Singing) For joy and fun, there's no better manner, than to fly a pennant, flag or banner
Raj: What fills my heart, and makes my eyes moist, sending a flag, up a pole on a hoist.
Raj & Howard: Fun with Flags, Fun with Flags
Howard: Oh! Say can you see.
Raj: It's Fun with Flags.
Raj & Howard: Fun with Flags.

Howard: See, I've known that for weeks, but, you know, I waited till the moment when it would cause him the most pain.

Amy: What's up?
Howard: I'm conducting a quick survey. Do you think this respectful and loving tribute to a great man is in poor taste? (Howard rolls out Remote Control Stephen Hawking)
Amy: Yep.

Althea: Why is it hooked up to a computer?
Leonard: Uh, it's what controls the arm.
Howard: But it's frozen.
Althea: Did you try turning it off and back on again?
Howard: No, you see, it's more complicated than that. (Althea switches off computer) No, wait! (The robot hand lets go) Winnie the Pooh is out of the honey tree.

Raj: (In a sing-songy fashion) You see, I was at the doctor's office, the folder was right there, so I took a peek.
Howard: (Imitating Koothrappali) And talking like this doesn't make it less creepy.

Howard: Then simply sit, spin, stand, stretch. Maybe in looser pants. Then step, grab, tiny pivot, pull, and you're there. (sighs) Easy, peasy, mac and (exhales) ... you get the idea.

Raj: So did all of you go on to better relationships after me?
Lucy: Oh, yeah.
Emily: Without question.
Claire: Little before, actually.
Howard: (Interpreting for Emily) Oh, wow. Don't let him get away.
Raj: Wait. What did she say?
Howard: Uh, basically, she traded you for Bruce Wayne.

Leonard: At least it's quiet when he takes bathroom breaks.
Howard: I know. That's why I keep refilling his water when he's not looking.
Leonard: You're kidding.
Howard: I don't care if we're in a drought, it's worth it.

Leonard: Sheldon, you can still go on the trip in a few weeks. Just help us out.
Sheldon: Sorry. I need to work on this engine so when I get to the train yard I won't look foolish.
Howard: (laughs) He's worried about looking foolish. That's a heapin' helping of irony right there.

Leonard: Okay. This is everything he had on the board. I'm sure we can figure the rest out.
Howard: All right. (clears throat) Hmm. Feel free to jump in. "Hmm" is all I got.