Howard Wolowitz Quotes Page 58 of 77

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Quote from the episode The Prestidigitation Approximation

Sheldon: It's not cool. It's a childish trick designed to confuse and intrigue simpletons. How'd you do it?
Howard: A magician never reveals his secrets. But surely a future Nobel prize winner can figure it out.
Sheldon: Fine. Give me a second.
Howard: You ever notice when he thinks real hard, it smells like bacon?

Quote from the episode The Prestidigitation Approximation

Howard: And was your card the jack of diamonds?
Penny: Oh, unbelievable! Know how he did it yet?
Sheldon: Umm...
Penny: Aww, he has the same look my little nephew gets when he can't figure out how I got his nose.
Howard: You know, I have some remedial magic tricks that might be more your speed. Like, ooh, look! The pencil's rubber!

Quote from the episode The Toast Derivation

Sheldon: (knocking) All my friends. (knocking) All my friends. (knocking) All my friends.
Howard: Wow, I think it's like Beetlejuice. We must've said his name too many times.

Quote from the episode The Toast Derivation

Priya: I guess he is a little quirky.
Wolowitz: Quirky? That crazy bastard is looking at quirky in the rear view mirror.

Quote from the episode The Cohabitation Formulation

Howard: Big fight with my mother.
Leonard: Still arguing over which CSI is the best?
Howard: No, we agreed they all have their merits. This was about Bernadette.

Quote from the episode The Cohabitation Formulation

Howard: Well, gotta go.
Bernadette: Oh! Already? Why don't you stay over?
Howard: Well, I'd love to, but you know my mother needs me in the morning.
Bernadette: Please, I think the woman can manage to put a wig on by herself.
Howard: It's not just the wig. It's pinning her hair up, drawing on her eyebrows. It's a two-person job.

Quote from the episode The Cohabitation Formulation

Bernadette: Howard, have you ever considered us living together?
Howard: Boy, I don't know. You, me, Ma living under the same roof?
Bernadette: No, I mean just you and me. You can move in here, or we can find a place.
Howard: I've got a better solution.
Bernadette: What?
Howard: We wait for my mom's heart to explode from all the salt she eats. Then we just stick her in the ground, flip her mattress and move into the big bedroom.

Quote from the episode The Cohabitation Formulation

Howard: Listen, my mom's going to Palm Springs to visit her sister. That's two whole nights in a row I can sleep over with you all the way to morning. Unless the desert air dries out her sinuses, in which case I'll have to schlep out there with the big humidifier.
Bernadette: That's it? That's your big solution to all of our problems? If your mom's nose holds up, we get two nights together?
Howard: Isn't that great?

Quote from the episode The Cohabitation Formulation

Howard: I choose you.
Bernadette: Really?
Howard: Yep. I moved out of my mother's house. Cord is cut. I'm all yours.
Bernadette: What did she say when you told her?
Howard: I don't know. She hasn't responded to my email yet.

Quote from the episode The Cohabitation Formulation

Bernadette: I can't believe we're finally living together.
Howard: Yeah. You know what would make this moment perfect?
Bernadette: What?
Howard: A little snack. You got any string cheese?
Bernadette: No. I, I might have some cheddar.
Howard: Not as good. You can't make strings with it. Remind me to put it on your shopping list.

Quote from the episode The Cohabitation Formulation

Howard: You have hypo-allergenic detergent?
Bernadette: No.
Howard: Better put it on the list. If you wash my underwear with regular soap, I get little red bumps on my tuchus.

Quote from the episode The Cohabitation Formulation

Bernadette: Wait a second. I'm doing your laundry?
Howard: Well, honey, it's not gonna do itself. Oh, before I forget. Tomorrow morning, you're driving me to the dentist.
Bernadette: I have to take you?
Howard: You don't have to take me. You get to take me.
Bernadette: Wait a minute. Are you telling me your mother usually takes you to the dentist?
Howard: It's not weird. There's lots of kids there with their moms.

Quote from the episode The Cohabitation Formulation

Bernadette: I can't believe this.
Howard: What? It's fun. If I have no cavities, afterwards, we go out for a treat.
Bernadette: All right, Howard, let's get something straight right now. I'm not going to be your mother.
Howard: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where did that come from?

Quote from the episode The Benefactor Factor

Penny: Oh, Howard, I can't believe Bernadette let you go to a fancy party wearing a dickey.
Howard: Excuse me, my girlfriend doesn't pick out my clothes. My mother does.

Quote from the episode The Benefactor Factor

Leonard: Are you sure this is right?
Penny: Yeah, just tuck that part in your pants; you'll be fine.
Howard: Okay, let's go smooch some rich, wrinkled tuckus.

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