Stuart: I'm not bringing your mother. I have a date.
Howard: Oh, so now you're cheating on my mother.

Raj: Maybe he's playing bingo with his mommy?
Howard: Sad how some guys just can't cut the apron strings.
Raj: Okay, now you're messing with me.

Howard: How'd you get that?
Dr. Lorvis: Easy. Gene Rodenberry needed a vasectomy.
Sheldon: You've snipped Gene Rodenberry's vas deferens?
Dr. Lorvis: Yes.
Howard: Wow, you really went where no man has gone before.

Dr. Lorvis: Can I ask you a question? You're a guy like me, how'd you get a girl like Penny?
Leonard: Well, just being myself really.
Sheldon: Oh please. I'll tell you how he did it. Implacable relentless badgering. In urology terms, he was a drug-resistant staph infection and she was a urethra that could not shake him.
Leonard: I don't know that I'd call myself an infection.
Howard: A gallant man would defend his fiance for being called a urethra.

Howard: "Do the dishes", there's a star right there.
Bernadette: That was a pity star. Putting water in the roasting pan and putting it in the sink is not doing the dishes.
Howard: That pan had to soak and you know it!

Bernadette: Well don't come crying to me when you don't get your allowance.
Howard: It's not an allowance. It's a stipend! And we said we weren't going to call it an allowance in front of my friends.

Howard: Oh, you're saying I don't do anything around here? Look at my chore chart!

Howard: How does it feel to know your fiance's job is to go out and flirt with doctors looking like that, while you sit here, you know, looking like this?

Howard: Hey, I didn't think you'd make it.
Raj: Why not?
Howard: Because you have a steady girlfriend now and we assumed you'd have to stay home to lower the food down to her in the pit.

Leonard: Penny is not the reason I did not pursue that idea.
Sheldon: Oh really? Since meeting her, what have been your greatest accomplishments?
Raj: Easy. Sleeping with Penny.
Howard: Getting Penny to go back out with him after she dumped him.
Raj: Tricking Penny into getting engaged.
Howard: And a few weeks ago he almost did a pull-up!

Howard: You know, I can't even watch Game of Thrones now without thinking of my mother saying "Stuart, which one is Thrones?"

Bernadette: It's not that hard. You just look to where you want to throw it, step towards where you want to throw, and throw it.
Howard: That's your help? That's like saying "Here's how you fly a plane: get in the airplane and know where you want to go, and fly it."

Raj: So you never played baseball as a kid? Not even little league?
Howard: Well, I was going to but the day of tryouts I found my dad's Playboy collection. Threw my arm out.

Howard: There's no way this is sixty feet.
Bernadette: I'm looking at it!
Howard: You realize this isn't one of those times I want you to exaggerate how long something is.

Sheldon: You shot your spit in my mouth!
Howard: Is that gonna be on the test? Because I don't think I can do that again.