Leonard: Wow. How do you get an entire lecture hall to flip you off at the same time?
Howard: Apparently, if you're Sheldon, all you need to do is turn your back.

Howard: Look. Listen to this one. Does Einstein's theory explain why time flies when you're having fun, but when you're listening to Dr. Cooper, it falls out of the sky, dead?

Penny: What are you guys doing?
Leonard: Sheldon gave a lecture at the university tonight. We're reading the reviews.
Penny: Oh. How'd he do?
Howard: Well, picture the Hindenburg meets Chernobyl meets Three Mile Island meets Tron 2.

Penny: I can't believe you let him kick me out of the car.
Howard: What could we do? He's the Travel Supervisor.

Howard: Hey, Bernie?
Bernadette: Yeah?
Howard: Please tell me he's your gay cousin.
Bernadette: No. He was one of my professors in college.
Howard: Oh! That's a relief.
Bernadette: Then we went out for a year.

Howard: That green bag is Dr. Cooper's. Here's an extra five. Make him wait.

Howard: I'm just thinking. If you had sex with that guy, I mean, there's nothing I can do here that will make any kind of ... impact.

Howard: I just never figured that a guy like me going out with a girl like you would ever have to compete with a guy like that.
Bernadette: Wait a minute, "a girl like me"? What's that mean?
Howard: I'm-I'm--
Bernadette: Are you saying you don't think I'm hot enough to go out with a guy like Glenn?
Howard: No! No, I'm saying exactly the opposite.
Bernadette: I'm too hot to go out with a guy like Glenn?
Howard: Yeah, let's go with that.

Howard: A few extra bucks would be nice. I could finally move out of my mother's house.
Raj: Where would you go?
Howard: I always dreamed about building a little place of my own over the garage.

Sheldon: She befriends them and then lies in wait until they reveal a marketable idea, which she steals and sells to the highest bidder.
Leonard: That's ridiculous.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? Well, let's see you come up with an explanation as to why this woman hangs out with us all the time.
Penny: Oh, great. You know what? I've already mooched dinner off you guys. I don't need to listen to this.
Howard: There's your answer: free food.

Howard: Ma, Ma, calm down. Listen to me. I know it says click with the mouse, but on a laptop, the trackpad is the mouse. Now, put your finger on it. Doesn't matter which finger. Good choice. Now move it down to your e-mail icon. Yeah, the little envelope. What do you mean, what does it look like? It looks like an envelope! Fine, you don't like the computer, don't use it! Sure, we can exchange it for a salad spinner. Goodbye!

Penny: Look, can't you just let him play with you until bedtime?
Leonard: We're not playing. This is real work.
Howard: We're going to be hundred-aires.

Wolowitz: You got her to have sex with you. Obviously your super power is brainwashing.

Penny: Wait, why me? Why cant your girlfriend be Wonder Woman?
Howard: She and her lab team are under quarantine. Seems at the Christmas party they were doing Jell-O shots out of petri dishes that used to contain yellow fever.

Howard: I'm Batman.
Sheldon: Oh, I hardly think so. The real caped crusader calls his crime-fighting cohorts when he's running late.
Howard: I had to walk. I couldn't get Raj on the back of my scooter.