Sheldon: Uh, can you believe this? Doctors Pemberton and Campbell have been doing a press tour trying to take credit for super-asymmetry. They didn't even know what they were finding.
Raj: So what? I mean, no one's gonna give them credit for accidentally discovering something.
Howard: Yeah, who remembers the guy who was trying to find India and discovered America instead? What was his name again?

Raj: She says the only reason I'm marrying her is because all my friends are married, and I don't want to feel left out.
Howard: Oh, that's nonsense.
Raj: No. She's right.
Howard: (quietly to Bernadette) Now what do I say?

Leonard: You've come to a giant metal door.
Sheldon: I check the door for traps.
Leonard: There are no traps.
Howard: I use my wizard eye to see what's on the other side of the door.
Sheldon: Hey, that's sort of like how you used a doorbell camera to spy on your fiancee.
Raj: No, it's nothing like that.
Leonard: Your wizard eye reveals a monster.
Howard: Oh. Is it alone and unloved?
Leonard: I guess.
Howard: I open the door and say, "Hey, Raj."

Denise: Okay, guys, we need some people to stay here and guard the flag and some people to move out and try to capture theirs.
Leonard: Okay. Sheldon, do you want to stay here and?
Sheldon: What? Hold down the fort? 'Cause that's all I'm good for. Is that what you were going to say?
Amy: You know that's not what he meant.
Sheldon: Oh, why don't you go out there? Maybe you'll be the neurobiologist who revolutionizes paintball.
Amy: Stop it. You're being ridiculous.
Sheldon: Am I? Maybe it's just my poor people skills.
Amy: Oh, it's definitely your poor people skills.
Howard: All right, the choices are get shot at or stay here and listen to them fight.
Leonard, Denise and Howard: Shot at.

Howard: He's got bags. He's probably just delivering food.
Raj: Why is she hugging him?
Bernadette: Maybe she doesn't have tip money?
Raj: Wait, why is she inviting him into the house?
Howard: She's a good tipper?

Howard: Sounds fun. Bernadette and I are in.
Raj: You don't need to ask her?
Howard: No. I've been pretty annoying lately. She's gonna want to shoot me.

Bernadette: Hey, I'm gonna take tomorrow off so we can spend the whole day running the act.
Howard: You know what, it has been so much fun working on this with you, but-
Bernadette: But what?
Howard: It hasn't.

Howard: I'm not gonna audition.
Bernadette: Hey, I didn't raise a quitter.
Howard: You didn't raise me at all.

Howard: But if I'm gonna go through with this, I have to do it my own way.
Bernadette: I respect that, and I'm glad that I helped lead you to this moment.
Howard: Stop trying to make this your victory!

Bernadette: Look, I get that you're scared, but we just have to push past that.
Howard: I'm not scared. I don't like the act. It's over-the-top and weird and has more jazz hands than magic.
Bernadette: Why didn't you say something earlier?
Howard: You seemed like you were so happy, and then when I tried to say something, you seemed like you were so mad.

Bernadette: Is that a VCR?
Howard: Yeah, Amy asked if we had one she could borrow and I just want to make sure it still works.
Bernadette: What's on the tape?
Howard: Not sure. I used to record a lot of Jeopardy! for my mom, but if I push play and you see some naked people-
Bernadette: Got it. "What is porn?"
Howard: Ooh, we were looking for "vintage '80s erotica," but I'll accept it.

Bernadette: Put it back on. You look adorable.
Howard: It's just a practice tape from when I was trying to become a member of the Magic Castle.
Bernadette: I didn't know you auditioned there.
Howard: Oh, I never went through with it. I watched the tape and realized I wasn't good enough. You know that trick where you saw a mannequin in half?
Bernadette: Don't you mean a lady?
Howard: Thank God it was not a lady. I'd just be getting out of jail.

Leonard: Uh, also no talk of Rocky IV.
Bernadette: Why Rocky IV?
Howard: Because he fights a Russian. I'm sorry about her.

Penny: We should just try and avoid anything that makes them think of their project or science or Nobel Prizes or successes or failures.
Amy: Hi.
Leonard: Hi!
Penny: Hey, guys.
Raj: Hey!
Amy: What are you guys doing?
Bernadette: Nothing.
Sheldon: Nothing? Like what my career has come to? Thanks a lot.
Howard: Nice going.

Howard: This paper is called "Examinations of a Super-Asymmetric Model of the Universe" by Dr. Vasily Gregora-poli-popivich.
Leonard: W-Wait, so Amy and Sheldon weren't the first to think of super-asymmetry?
Howard: No, doesn't look like it. This is from 1978.
Leonard: Okay, well, they might need to rename their theory "The Cooper-Fowler Gregora-poli-popivich Theory."
Howard: Kind of rolls right off your tongue, doesn't it?