Mrs. Wolowitz: I don't know who you're talking to, but in or out! We don't need bugs!
Howard: The bugs only come here because you're their queen!

Howard: So, dinner went nice.
Bernadette: Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Does your mother always cut your meat for you?
Howard: Only when it's fatty. Well, don't be jealous, babe. Someday you'll get to cut it for me.

Howard: Come on, take a break! Bernadette needs to brush her teeth!
Mrs. Wolowitz: She can come in and brush her teeth! I'm not embarrassed!
Howard: Problem solved.
Bernadette: No, it's not. I'm not going in there.
Howard: Oh, come on, honey. She's just sitting in there reading a magazine. You can't see anything. I go in all the time.

Raj: Ah, the premature "I love you".
Howard: I guessed premature. Does that count?

Leonard: Sheldon's assistant asked me on a date last night.
Raj: How could you do that to me? You know I've been working it with Alex for weeks.
Leonard: Working it? You can't even talk to her.
Raj: I talk with my eyes.
Howard: You look like my little cousin when he's dropping one in his diaper.

Howard: Relax. Everything's gonna be fine. Before I met Bernadette I was in here every other day. Uh, little tip, turn off your I Like Big Butts ring tone before you go in.

Howard: Okay, guys, think, how do we keep Raj in the country?
Penny: (from outside) Why doesnt he just get another job?
Howard: (Raj whispers to Howard) What are you asking me for? I don't know if you can talk now or not.

Howard: I'm really going to miss you.
Raj: Will you come visit me in India?
Howard: Gee, that's, like, a 17-hour flight. How about I meet you halfway?
Raj: Halfway is 600 miles off the coast of Japan.
Howard: Tell you what, we'll Skype.

Howard: Okay, I guess I can hang for a little while. So what are we watching? Sex and the City. Yikes.
Penny: Hey, I happen to love this movie.
Howard: Fine, let's watch it. Maybe all our periods will synchronize.

Sheldon: I don't know what you were worried about. I think it really works in the room.
Leonard: Yeah. It is by far the coolest thing I have ever owned.
Sheldon: The exact time machine that carried actor Rod Taylor from Victorian England into the post-apocalyptic future, which society had splintered into two factions: the sub-terranean Morlocks, who survived by feasting on the flesh of the gentle surface dwelling Eloy.
Howard: Talk about your chick magnets.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, I know we said we'd take turns, but I think youd agree that practicality dictates it remain here.
Howard: You can't just keep it here. What if I meet a girl and say, "you wanna come up and see my time machine, it's at my friends house," how lame is that?

Sheldon: I'll go for two hundred, that time machine stays right where it is.
Raj: Three hundred, and I'll throw in my original 1979 Mattel Millenium Falcon with real light speed sound effects.
Leonard: No, no more toys or action figures or props or replicas or costumes or robots or Darth Vader voice changers, I'm getting rid of all of it.
Howard: You can't do that. Look what you've created here, it's like nerdvana.

Howard: So, Dr. Hofstadter, Leonard rarely talks about his incredibly successful brother and sister.
Leonard: Please, don't go there, Howard.
Howard: I understand that unlike Leonard, they're at the top of their respective fields.
Leonard: Boy, you suck.

Leonard: Why are you doing this?
Howard: You know the rules. You brought your mom to work, you must suffer.

Sheldon: Leonard, I had no idea your siblings were so much more successful than you.
Raj: Yeah, you're like the Jar Jar Binks of the Hofstadter family.
Howard: Oh, meesa think yousa lookin so, so sad.
Leonard: You know, rather than mock me, my friends might realize that this is difficult and try to help me through it.
Raj: Nope, I think mocking you is more fun.
Howard: Next time, don't yousa bring mama to work. Okee-day?