Howard: Look. Listen to this one. Does Einstein's theory explain why time flies when you're having fun, but when you're listening to Dr. Cooper, it falls out of the sky, dead?

Raj: Okay, calm down. Everybody just cool it.
Howard: No, let 'em go. If we get lucky, maybe one of them will start crying.

Howard: Hey, Bernie? Before you go, can you do something for me?
Bernadette: What do you want me to do?
Howard: Okay, here it is. I really miss gravity. Can you drop something so I can watch it fall?
Bernadette: Really, you're serious? Okay. (Drops a pencil)
Howard: Oh, baby, you're killing me.

Howard: I don't know how much longer I can take this. I can't sleep, and zero gravity is giving me crazy acid reflux. I'm down to my last three Tums.
Bernadette: You're going to be fine. You survived that Weight Watchers cruise with your mom. And they ran out of low-fat ice cream on day two. Just calm down and take a few deep breaths.
Howard: Okay, okay. What am I doing? I'm using up all the oxygen. If I die, promise you'll never have sex with another man.

Stuart: Howard, Bernadette was there last night. Did she say anything when she got home?
Howard: Yeah, she said, "Why'd you tell those idiots where I was? Thanks a lot."

Howard: Yeah, I thought about renting this apartment, but I'm really more of a downtown loft kind of guy.
Alicia: Cool. So are you in a loft now?
Howard: Oh, actually I'm, uh, living with a woman in Altadena. Purely platonic, she's also my maid.
Alicia: Sounds like a sweet deal.
Howard: I won't lie, it's pretty dope.

Howard: Haven't you ever been told how beautiful you are in flawless Russian?
Penny: No, I haven't.
Howard: Get used to it.
Penny: Yeah, I probably won't.

Penny: Hey Raj! (silence) Still not talking to me, huh?
Sheldon: Don't take it personally. It's his pathology. He can't talk to women.
Howard: He can't talk to attractive women, or in your case a cheesecakescented Goddess!

Howard: Sheldon, what am I gonna do? I mean, what do I know about raising a boy?
Sheldon: What do you know about raising a girl?
Howard: Oh, my God, you're right.
Sheldon: Well, I don't know if that was sarcasm or not.
Howard: So, either you're welcome, or hey!

Howard: (singing) Baruch atah, Adonai, Eloheinu. Melech haolam, hamotzi. Lechem min haaretz
Mike: What's that?
Howard: The Jewish prayer for eating bread. We don't have one for falling out of space!

Howard: Hey, Ma, twinkle, twinkle, your little star is home. (Fails to open the door) Ma, the chain's on the door.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard? I thought I wasn't going to see you till tomorrow.
Howard: Yeah, well, Bernie's not feeling well. So I thought I'd stop by, tell you about the greatest adventure of my life, see if you can make me feel bad about it.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Uh, uh, okay. Hold on, I'm not decent.
Howard: All right. (Speaking to himself) Woman hasn't tied her robe in 20 years. Suddenly she's not decent?

Raj: Oh, my God, you're back. Oh, look at you. You, you look like you grew.
Howard: Yeah. The lack of gravity did decompress my spine, so I'm like an inch and a half taller. I'm going to the DMV tomorrow to get my license changed before I shrink back.

Raj: Oh, uh, come in, come in. Oh, I, uh, I didn't think I was going to get to see you until tomorrow.
Howard: Yeah, well, Bernadette's a little under the weather and my mom's kind of under my dentist.
Raj: Wait, your, your mother is sleeping with your dentist?
Howard: Former dentist. I need a new one now that I know where his hands have been.

Raj: So you're wandering all around by yourself? That's not the kind of hero's welcome an astronaut should come home to.
Howard: It's okay. You know, we space cowboys don't do what we do for glory and fame. We leave that to your rock stars and your athletes and your Howie Mandels.

Howard: Sounds like your neighbor's home.
Leonard: Excuse me.
Sheldon: Don't forget the mail you took accidentally on purpose so you'd have an excuse to talk to her.
Leonard: Oh, right. Right, right, right, right.
Howard: Stealing snail mail, very old school, I like it.