Raj: None of our gods have abs like that.
Howard: Yep, that's the last Jew who did sit-ups. Look where it got him.

Howard: You know what we should do? We should show the closet to Sheldon.
Bernadette: Why?
Howard: Are you kidding? He’s like a savant at organizing. Everything in his apartment has a label on it. Including his label maker, which has a label that says label maker. And if you look really close at that label maker label, you’ll see a label that says label.

Bernadette: You can't just throw everything in the closet.
Howard: Hey, you can tell me what to do and how to do it, but not both at the same time. This isn't sex.

Bernadette: He's our guest. We can't just ask him to straighten our closet.

Howard: No, we wouldn't ask him. We'd just show him the closet and let the goblins in his head take it from there.

Sheldon: There it is again! Do you feel that?
Howard: The growing realization that you are one wacky bastard? Yes.

Howard: Come on, we could have a pants party! Go put some on!

Raj: Are they actually arguing about comic books?
Leonard: No, that can't be right.
Howard: Maybe "Thor's Hammer" is a new color of nail polish.

Cop: You guys need me to call someone? I'm guessing your moms?
Leonard: Thanks, but we've got it covered.
Howard: Okay, I just talked to my mom.

Howard: (Mimicking Bernadette in a high voice) Oh Howie, stop talking about space so much. Nobody likes it.
Bernadette: (In a low voice) I don't sound like that.

Howard: Yeah, well, my quality father-son time was spending my adolescence looking out the window waiting for my dad to come back someday.
Raj: Yeah, okay, Howard wins.

Priya: I guess he is a little quirky.
Wolowitz: Quirky? That crazy bastard is looking at quirky in the rear view mirror.

Dimitri: What are you gonna do when you get back to Earth?
Wolowitz: Oh, I'm never going back.

Howard: A week ago, I was an astronaut.
Bernadette: Yeah, well, today you're a Smurf! Keep moving!

Wolowitz: If I die, promise me you'll never have sex with another man.

Crowd at the airport: There he is! Howie! Howie!
Wolowitz: Whoa, thank you. Great to be back on Earth.
Howie Mandel: Uh, I think they're here for me, Ringo.