Howard: Wazzup, my nerdizzles?

Howard: It's not enough you get the prom queen, you have to get the head of the decorating committee, too?

Howard: (To Bernadette) Come on, I don't wanna eat lamb stew with my mother. (To himself) Damn, was this close to the bra.

Howard: So nice you could join me this evening, you're looking lovely as always.
Katee Sackhoff: Thanks Howard, always nice to be part of your masturbatory fantasies.

Penny: Why are you back from your date so early?
Howard: Well, in romance, as in show business, always leave them wanting more.
Penny: What exactly does that mean?
Leonard: He struck out.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard! What are you doing in there?
Howard: I'm taking a bath.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I hope that's all you're doing, we share that tub.
Howard: Don't remind me.

Howard: (Singing) Bernadette, I am so sorry for... trying to propose to you. Bernadette, you found it creepy, but... that's just the kind of thing I do...Aaaaaaaaahhh. I know now it's too soon to talk of love, it was just a crazy idea that came to me in my tub. Bernadette, give me one more chance, Sweet Bernadette. I'll get the hang of this thing they call romance, Sweet Bernadette. I dream to once again kiss your lips, Sweet Bernadette. Sincerely Yours, Howard Wolowitz! Bernadette. (Song Ends) Thank you, Cheesecake Factory.

Howard: 1. I lost my virginity to my cousin, Jeanie. 2. It was my Uncle Murray's funeral, we were all back at my Aunt Barbara's house. Our eyes locked over the pickled herring. We never meant for it to happen. 3. To this day, I can't look at pickled herring without being aroused and ashamed. Oh, cousin Jeanie.

Wolowitz: Do you think I'd have rather been with you or sitting around for hours listening to my mother saying "Have y'ever pee'd so much in your life?"
Rajesh: Oh, you are such a momma's boy.
Wolowitz: Don't bring my mother into this.
Rajesh: You brought your mother into this!

Howard: Sheldon knows football? I mean Quidditch, sure, but football?

Penny: Oh, gee, sounds amazing, but, um, I've got some friends coming over. Not a big thing, we're just gonna watch the Nebraska game.
Leonard: Oh. Football, sure.
Howard: Good guess.

Howard: I brought you a little gift. New kite.
Raj: The kite you made me lose was an authentic Patang, an Indian fighting kite that my brother sent to me from New Delhi. It took me a day to put together and two days to paint. This is Hello Kitty.
Howard: Yeah, but it comes with a little coin purse. Does a Patang?

Wolowitz: Puppies, how do you stand on puppies?
Bernadette: A puppy once bit my face!
Wolowitz: Of course it did.

Howard: All right, Raj has played his Phantom Warlord card and I am going to back him up with my strangling vines. (Playing card, making gesture to Leonard) Choke on that, sucker.

Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me every day at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.