Howard: (To Bernadette) A Catholic girl like you wearing a big cross like that might just give my mother the big brain aneurysm I've been hoping for.

Howard: Yeah, I really wish I could, Penny, but every year my mother has all the relatives over and cooks up her famous tur-briska-fil.
Penny: Tur-briska-fil?
Howard: Turkey stuffed with a brisket stuffed with gefilte fish. It's not as good as it sounds.

Howard: Okay, guys, think, how do we keep Raj in the country?
Penny: (from outside) Why doesnt he just get another job?
Howard: (Raj whispers to Howard) What are you asking me for? I don't know if you can talk now or not.

Howard: I'm really going to miss you.
Raj: Will you come visit me in India?
Howard: Gee, that's, like, a 17-hour flight. How about I meet you halfway?
Raj: Halfway is 600 miles off the coast of Japan.
Howard: Tell you what, we'll Skype.

Howard: Okay, I guess I can hang for a little while. So what are we watching? Sex and the City. Yikes.
Penny: Hey, I happen to love this movie.
Howard: Fine, let's watch it. Maybe all our periods will synchronize.

Wolowitz: They're called tattoo sleeves. Put them on, have freaky sex with some freaky girl with her business pierced, take them off, and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetery.

Wolowitz: Yes, she's pushy, and yes, he's whipped, but that's not the expression.

Raj: Are you seriously going to deface your body just for the possibility you could have cheap sex with a strange girl you met in a bar?
Howard: Uh, yeah!
Raj: What is your mother going to say?
Howard: She's not going to see it. She takes my temperature orally now.

Howard: What's the matter, you chicken?
Sheldon: I've always found that an inappropriate slur. Chickens are not by nature at all timid. In fact, when I was young, my neighbor's chicken got loose and chased me up the big elm tree in front of our house.
Raj: Chickens can't climb trees.
Sheldon: Thank God.
Howard: Okay, I believe the chicken made you his bitch.

Howard: Could you look at Toby?
Crawley: Toby? What a stupid name for a cricket.
Sheldon: (To Howard) Told you.

Leonard: It's not a matter of opportunity. We're getting to know each other. There's a learning curve.
Howard: What's there to learn? You get naked, do nasty things to each other, then somebody makes scrambled eggs and salami. Easy peasy.

Howard: Sheldon, you remember the first few weeks we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?
Raj: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Howard: That's why I added the '-tator'.

Howard: Damn it! I should've gone over and told her we were back.
Raj: Yeah, it was first come first serve.

Wolowitz: I would like a slippery nipple.

Howard: (Southern Accent) If y'all don't mind, I got a hankering for a lone star beer.
Mary: There's no alcohol in this household, stop talking like that, and lose the hat.
Howard: Sorry, I'll take a diet yoo-hoo if you have one.
Mary: You'll take a Coke.