Howard: She (Siri) is gonna break his heart.

Raj: I'd like for you to call me sexy.
Siri: [chimes] From now on, I'll call you sexy. Okay?
Raj: Okay!

Wolowitz: I mean, even Donkey Kong had Donkey Kong Jr. so he could teach someone how to kidnap princesses and throw barrels at Italian plumbers.

Wolowitz: You have to wonder about grown men who play with toy trains.

Jimmy Speckerman: Yeah, we were practically a comedy team.
Wolowitz: Yeah, like the Black Death and Europe.

Howard: It's hot in here, it must be Summer.

Sheldon: The entrance to the dungeon is a moss covered door. You manage to open it only to find yourself face-to-face with a hideous, foul-smelling, moss-covered ogre. What do you do?
Howard: I say, "Hey Ma, what's for dinner?"

Mrs. Wolowitz: Want me to get you a popsicle?
Howard: Cherry, please!
Mrs. Wolowitz: I ate the cherry. All that's left is green.
Howard: You make me wanna kill myself!

Howard: Gather around, kids. It's time for Sheldon's beloved Christmas special.
Sheldon: In the pre-Christian era, as the winter solstice approached and the plants died, pagans brought evergreen boughs into their homes as an act of sympathetic magic, intended to guard the life essences of the plants until spring. This custom was later appropriated by Northern Europeans and eventually it becomes the so-called Christmas tree.
Howard: And that, Charlie Brown, is what boredom is all about.

Howard:Hey, isn't that the guy who won the MacArthur genius grant last year? (everyone looks) No, not all at once.
Raj: Then how?
Howard: Leonard. Now Raj. Now Sheldon.
Raj: I didn't get a good look. Can I go again?
Howard: No.

Howard: Don't spritz him with that body spray from the commercials where the women undress when they smell it? That doesn't work at all. No matter how much you put on.

Penny: Hey, guys. What'd I miss, what'd I miss?
Howard: Giselle's hanging by a thread.
Penny: Oh, good, I hate her.
Howard: Then you're not invited to our wedding.

Howard: Mock me if you will, but it works. You show up at a club in something distinctive, scope out your target and toss out some negs.
Raj: What are negs?
Howard: A neg is a negative compliment that throws a pretty woman off her game. Like "Normally, I'm not turned on by big teeth, but on you, they work." I've got a whole list of em. Who wants to be my wingman?
Leonard: You're not gonna need wingman, you're gonna need a paramedic.

Leonard: Uh, I hope they let us in soon. I'm tired of running to the gas station to use the bathroom. The guy makes me buy a Gatorade every time. It's a vicious circle.
Howard: Too bad you don't have a stadium pal like me.
Leonard: What's a stadium pal?
Howard: Let me put it this way. Takes care of the bathroom problem and it keeps your calf warm.

Penny: Okay, help me out here. How does an archaeology professor get that good with a whip?
Howard: Maybe he took a class at the adult bookstore. That's how I learned.