Howard: For the record, I'm the one who introduced you to House of Pies.

Sheldon: Howard, I want you to know that I forgive you.
Howard: I'll take it.
Leonard: What's he forgiving you for?
Howard: Don't care. Clean slate. Happy Yom Kippur to me.

Sheldon: I know that you were on Wil's show, and I know why you didn't tell me.
Howard: Do you?
Sheldon: Because you were afraid that I would be difficult and annoying about it.
Howard: (chuckles) I hope your book has a twist as surprising as that.
Leonard: It doesn't.

Bernadette: Amy made me realize that new mothers are cognitively primed to take in new information, and I've been wasting it making up songs about our babies' toes.
Howard: To be fair, I cowrote "Pinky Toe, Pinky Toe."

Raj: This is fun. I've never used a hydraulic thermoforming press before.
Howard: Pretty sweet, huh? This little baby set the university back 175 grand.
Leonard: That's three minutes. Should we see what we got?
Howard: Hang on.
Raj: Oh, yeah. This is one good-looking panini.
Howard: Hand me the tuna melt.

Raj: I'll try it. Like this?
Howard: Almost. Really get your tongue in there, to activate the motion sensor.
Raj: Like this?
Howard: Close. Really French it.
Raj: Better?
Howard: Yeah, you got it, you got it.
Raj: I'm impressed. This is very lifelike.
Howard: Whoa! You just bit my tongue!
Raj: I, I nibbled. I was being playful.
Howard: Why do you have to make everything weird?
Raj: Sorry. Better?
Howard: Oh, yeah.

Leonard: So, any day now.
Howard: Oh, I don't know. We went to the doctor this morning, and she said it could still be another week or two.
Raj: How's Bernadette holding up?
Howard: It's pretty rough. She's having a hard time.
Leonard: Why are you smiling? I had sex twice last night.
Raj: That's not fair! She's on bed rest. She can't run away.
Howard: It was her idea. She read that it can start labor.
Raj: Hmm. Is that true?
Howard: Well, I would have Googled it, but I was busy taking my pants off.

Howard: Are there any engineers on the grant committee?
Amy: I don't know. Why?
Howard: I didn't have time to figure out the three-input hydraulic manifold, so this diagram is really just a flux capacitor from Back to the Future.

Leonard: Hey, what'd you name him?
Howard: Neil Michael. Neil for Armstrong, Gaiman, and Diamond. Michael because Bernie had to get six stitches.

Howard: Here's my dilemma, I kind of want to stay home. But Bernadette is a way better parent than I am.
Raj: Wait, does Bernadette want to stay home?
Howard: I don't know. She's really invested in her career, and she's doing great. I think it should be me.

Howard: Morning.
Bernadette: Hey, where you been?
Howard: Oh, nowhere special. Just the park, the farmer's market, then we hopped on the Gold Line to Chinatown because it's important for the kids to experience other cultures. What have you been doing?
Bernadette: It's 8:00 a.m. Sleeping.
Howard: Oh. So are the kids. I guess they take after you.

Bernadette: You're just trying to prove that you'd do a better job than me.
Howard: You're pretty sharp having just woken up.

Howard: You know, in fact, why don't you take the day off?
Bernadette: Mm, fine. Maybe I'll have lunch with Penny.
Howard: Take your time. Get a massage. You deserve it after all the sleep you've been getting.

Howard: Bernadette's gonna be home soon. We got to divide and conquer. I'll make dinner. You watch the kids.
Raj: Uh, kids are asleep.
Howard: Great, then you make dinner.

Bernadette: Why is Raj asleep on our couch?
Howard: Oh. I needed some help so he came by, played with the kids, read them some stories, put them down for their nap and made dinner.
Bernadette: What'd you do?
Howard: Ate dinner.