Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me every day at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

Howard: All right, Raj has played his Phantom Warlord card and I am going to back him up with my strangling vines. (Playing card, making gesture to Leonard) Choke on that, sucker.

Bernadette: Good Morning, handsome.
Howard: Good morning, mom.
Bernadette: It's me!

Howard: What's the matter, you chicken?
Sheldon: I've always found that an inappropriate slur. Chickens are not by nature at all timid. In fact, when I was young, my neighbor's chicken got loose and chased me up the big elm tree in front of our house.
Raj: Chickens can't climb trees.
Sheldon: Thank God.
Howard: Okay, I believe the chicken made you his bitch.

Howard: (Singing) Bernadette, I am so sorry for... trying to propose to you. Bernadette, you found it creepy, but... that's just the kind of thing I do...Aaaaaaaaahhh. I know now it's too soon to talk of love, it was just a crazy idea that came to me in my tub. Bernadette, give me one more chance, Sweet Bernadette. I'll get the hang of this thing they call romance, Sweet Bernadette. I dream to once again kiss your lips, Sweet Bernadette. Sincerely Yours, Howard Wolowitz! Bernadette. (Song Ends) Thank you, Cheesecake Factory.

Howard: (To Bernadette) Come on, I don't wanna eat lamb stew with my mother. (To himself) Damn, was this close to the bra.

Howard: It's not enough you get the prom queen, you have to get the head of the decorating committee, too?

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard! What are you doing in there?
Howard: I'm taking a bath.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I hope that's all you're doing, we share that tub.
Howard: Don't remind me.

Howard: Renaissance fairs aren't about historical accuracy, they're about taking chubby girls who work at Kinko's and lacing them up in corsets so tight their bosoms jump out and say "Howdy".
Sheldon: Bosoms would not have said "Howdy" in the 15th century. If anything, they would've said "Huzzah".
Howard: I don't care what the bosoms say, Sheldon, I just want to be part of the conversation.

Mrs. Wolowitz:What's going on? Are you boys rough housing?
Howard: We're just talking, Ma!
Mrs. Wolowitz: If you don't settle down right now, I'm not gonna let you have any more sleepovers.
Howard: For God's Sake, Ma, I'm 27 years old. And it's not even a school night.

Raj: He was a lot more fun when he had no hope.
Howard: Give him time.

Raj: Tag, you're it!
Howard: Shouldn't you put him in a brown paper bag and set him on fire?

Sheldon: (On the phone) Howard, I'm sick.
Howard: (Hesitating, Imitating Mrs. Wolowitz) Howard's sleeping, this is his mother. Why are you calling at this ungodly hour?
Sheldon: I need soup!
Howard: (Imitating Mrs. Wolowitz) Then call your own mother.

Penny: Why are you back from your date so early?
Howard: Well, in romance, as in show business, always leave them wanting more.
Penny: What exactly does that mean?
Leonard: He struck out.

Raj: (Reading Game Card) Enslaved by warlocks, stay here till you roll 2,4,or --
Leonard: She was mad at him, she was done with him, the relationship was broken beyond repair and I walked over there and I fixed it.
Howard: Boy that story gets better every time you hear it.