Howard: Raj says he can teach you - what do call it? (Raj repeats it to him again.) Uh, I don't know some Indian meditation crap.

Sheldon: I see. I assume since the rest of you have set the bar so low, you're saving the most impressive contribution for last. Go on Howard, dazzle me.
Howard: Well, my power is the ability to pretend like I give a damn about your piddly-ass problem. And that's 24/7 buddy.

Howard: Wazzup, my nerdizzles?

Howard: Oh great it's my cousin David about the ring. Hey David what'd you find? Sure half a carat is fine. Her freakishly small hands make anything look big. It's one of the reasons I love her.

Wolowitz: Do you think I'd have rather been with you or sitting around for hours listening to my mother saying "Have y'ever pee'd so much in your life?"
Rajesh: Oh, you are such a momma's boy.
Wolowitz: Don't bring my mother into this.
Rajesh: You brought your mother into this!

Howard: Bernadette say fo'shizzle to my nerdizzles.

Sheldon: (knocking) All my friends. (knocking) All my friends. (knocking) All my friends.
Howard: Wow, I think it's like Beetlejuice. We must've said his name too many times.

Howard: This is the worst cobbler I've ever eaten. It tastes like it's made of actual ground-up shoemaker.
Sheldon: Amusing. A play on the two meanings of cobbler.

Howard: Damn it! I should've gone over and told her we were back.
Raj: Yeah, it was first come first serve.

Howard: The one thing the William Shatner of theoretical physics needed was an ego boost.

Howard: Aah, this takes me back. Leonard obsessing about Penny. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love your new stuff but, once in a while, it's nice to hear the hits.
Raj: Ooh, ooh, do "our babies will be smart and beautiful." That one always makes me laugh.

Wolowitz: You got her to have sex with you. Obviously your super power is brainwashing.

Howard: How did you get so brave all of a sudden?
Raj: It's easy. The spider's crawling up your arm.

Sheldon: I don't care for novelty editions of Monopoly. I prefer the classics: regular and Klingon.
Howard: Actually, Indian Monopoly is just like regular. Except the money is in rupees and instead of hotels, you build call centers. And when you pick a chance card, you might die of dysentery. Just FYI, that was racist.

Howard: Don't be oversensitive. He's calling you illiterate, not your race.
Raj: Oh, okay. Good.