Howard: I don't know, Sheldon, those topical conferences on Bowes-Einstein condensates parties are legendary.
Leonard: Forget the parties.
Howard: Forget the parties!? What a nerd!

Penny: Howard, would you like to explain to me why your Facebook page has a picture of me sleeping on your shoulder captioned: "Me and My Girlfriend"?
Howard: Uh oh, here comes "The Talk"!
*Penny tries to blow up Howard's head.*

Howard: Gentlemen, I am now about to send a signal from this laptop through our local ISP racing down fiber optic cable at the of light to San Francisco bouncing off a satellite in geosynchronous orbit to Lisbon, Portugal, where the data packets will be handed off to submerged transatlantic cables terminating in Halifax, Nova Scotia and transferred across the continent via microwave relays back to our ISP and the external receiver attached to this...lamp.

Howard: The monster truck is out of Austin, Texas, and the blue Viper is being operated from suburban Tel Aviv.
Sheldon: You may want to put on slacks.
Penny: What? Eww! Stop it! No! Leave me alone.
Leonard:Who's running the red Corvette?
Howard: That would be me!

Raj: The only thing missing from that insult was "yo momma."
Howard: I've got one. Hey, Leonard, your momma's research methodology is so flawed-
Leonard: Shut up, Howard.

Raj: Stop hitting on my lady or you shall experience my wrath.
Sheldon: I am not hitting on her.
Lalita: And I am not your Lady.
Howard: And you have no wrath.

Raj: What just happened?
Leonard: Beats the hell outta me!
Howard: I'll tell you what happened, I just learned how to pick up Indian Chicks.

Howard: Is it me or does web-chatting with your clothes on seem a little pointless?

Raj: I don't believe it!
Howard: Neither do I. Doogie Howser's been off the air for like 20 years.

Howard: See a Penny, pick her up, and all the day, you'll have good luck.
Penny: No, you won't.

Howard: By the way, where did you get that loofah mitt? Yours reaches places that mine just won't.
Penny: You used my loofah?
Howard: More precisely, we used your loofah. I exfoliated her brains out!

Howard: When they perfect human cloning, I'm gonna order 12 of those.

Penny: She'll have sex with anyone as long as they keep buying her things.
Howard: Really?
Penny: Yeah!
Howard: Yay! If you'll excuse me, I have some bar mitzvah bonds to cash.

Wolowitz: Check out the sexy nurse. I believe it's time for me to turn my head and cough.

Wolowitz: Gentlemen, to the sewing machines!