Raj: Are you kidding me? You're not gonna invite me to Halley's birthday? I'm her godfather; that means something.
Howard: Or - hear me out on this - it doesn't.

Raj: So-so-so you're just apologizing because you need something?
Howard: Yes, and I think it's pretty mature of me to admit it.
Raj: Well, that's very insulting.
Howard: Right again.

Raj: Hey, uh, what do you think we should open our show with? Uh, "Thor and Doctor Jones" or "Let's Get Astrophysical"
Howard: I don't know. I think we should start with something that gets them up on their feet. Maybe "Sherlock Around the Clock."

Raj: Oh, this is the life. What could be better than this?
Howard: If you weren't wearing one of my swimsuits.
Raj: I'll give it back.
Howard: (chuckles) You know the rule. Once it touches hiney, it's no longer miney.

Bernadette: It didn't help that you couldn't walk a straight line when the cop pulled you over.
Howard: I have performance anxiety. You of all people should know that.

Howard: Why wouldn't that colonel say what the meeting's about? It has to be bad news.
Raj: Calm down, okay? Try not to think about it.
Howard: That's really stupid advice.
Raj: You know that hurts my feelings.
Howard: Calm down, try not to think about it.
Raj: (upbeat) Okay.

Marty: Hello.
Howard: Hey, Marty. Thanks for talking to us.
Marty: Hey, no problem. Thanks for going to outer space so no matter what I do my mom will be disappointed in me.
Howard: Well, I married a little Catholic girl, so we're even.

Howard: Give me the bottle. I mean, it might be a little corny, but I say we pour one out for all the science homies who came before us.

Howard: Hey, is that Raj there at girls' night? Well, hey.
Raj: Hey, Howard.
Howard: Just remember, if you fall asleep first, they're gonna freeze your bra.

Howard: I've known you a long time. You believe in romance more than any person I've ever met and it's hard to see you give up on that. But if you really think marrying this woman is gonna make you happy, then you have my complete and total support.
I will be with you every step of the way.
Raj: Thanks, Howard. That means a lot.
Howard: So, hey, is this wedding gonna be in India?
Raj: Ah, maybe.
Howard: Urgh.

Howard: Bernadette thinks I have poor parenting skills.
Leonard: Maybe she's basing that on your poor husbanding skills.
Howard: Who can say? I'm bad at a lot of things.

Raj: Hey, check it out. That looks like the moped you used to have.
Howard: It wasn't a moped. It was a scooter.
Raj: How's that better?
Howard: You do not want to walk into a scooter bar and ask that question.

Girl: So you just flew around? That's kind of like my uncle. He's a flight attendant.
Howard: No, I'm an American hero. Your uncle brings people nuts, okay?

Raj: But y-you blocked your number, right?
Howard: Relax, this is not my first creepy phone call. It's like riding a bike ... slowly past a girl's house.