Leonard Hofstadter Quotes Page 2 of 77

Searching Search quotes

Quote from the episode The Grant Allocation Derivation

Leonard: There has got to be a right decision based on empirical evidence. Look, I made pros and cons lists, and then I came up with three different scoring systems to determine the best project. I just don't know what scoring system to use. So I'm working on a meta-scoring system to score the scoring systems, but the math is really complicated. You want me to walk you through it?

Quote from the episode The Grant Allocation Derivation

Leonard: Okay, I just- I need everyone to back off. I'm in charge here, and I'll decide when I'm ready to decide.
Raj: When will that be?
Leonard: A day, a week. I don't know!
Raj: Where are you going?
Leonard: I don't know that either!

Quote from the episode The Grant Allocation Derivation

Leonard: No, I'm not going to reconsider. Your request was denied. I don't care if it helps you think; you don't need a koi pond in your office. Well, you should have thought about that before you bought the koi!
Penny: Wow. That was a little rough.
Leonard: Well, I have to be. Everyone assumes I'm just gonna give them whatever they want.
Penny: Hmm. But you're not, are you?
Leonard: No, I'm not. I mean, look at this. An espresso machine? I don't think so. Denied!
Penny: Wow, I really like this side of you.
Leonard: Really?
Penny: Yeah, just so decisive.
Leonard: Well, check this out. A standing desk. Denied!
Penny: Oh!
Leonard: If you want to stand, do it on your own time, 'cause I'm the boss.
Penny: Yeah, you are.

Quote from the episode The Grant Allocation Derivation

Leonard: President Siebert, you wanted to see me?
President Siebert: Hey. There's my guy!
Leonard: You sound like my wife just before she asked me to go to Coachella.
President Siebert: No, this is gonna be way more fun than Coachella.
Leonard: More fun than heatstroke? Good luck.

Quote from the episode The Imitation Perturbation

Penny: No, it does matter. Okay? You were right. It was Halloween. I was dressed as a cat, you were a hobbit. It was right there on that couch.
Leonard: Why didn't you just say that?
Penny: Because I always hated that was our first kiss. I was drunk, and I was still with Kurt, and I was using you to make myself feel better. I just wanted our first kiss to mean something. That's why I said it was the one on your birthday.
Leonard: I like that. We'll make that our official first kiss.

Quote from the episode The Imitation Perturbation

Leonard: So, what are you wearing to the party? Sexy cat? Sexy nurse? Sexy zombie?
Penny: Why do girls' costumes have to be sexy but guys' costumes don't?
Leonard: (scoffs) Say that again with this helicopter on my head.
Penny: Very cute.

Quote from the episode The Planetarium Collision

Leonard: Hey, Raj, if I had a nickel for every time a charity sent me a nickel.
Raj: ... That's hilarious!
Leonard: I know.

Quote from the episode The Planetarium Collision

Raj: So, I folded, and I told Howard he could be a part of my planetarium show. And now I'm worried he's just gonna make the whole thing about himself.
Penny: So just tell him you changed your mind and you don't want him to do it.
Raj: No, no, then he's gonna think I'm too insecure to share the spotlight with him.
Leonard: And he'd be right.

Quote from the episode The Planetarium Collision

Leonard: If I had a nickel for every time a charity sent me a nickel.
Penny: Really? That's gonna be our whole life, huh?
Leonard: If my father's any guide, around 50, I start to lose my hearing and get two new jokes.

Quote from the episode The Planetarium Collision

Leonard: Sheldon, we've talked about this. You can't go around boring other people's wives.
Penny: Yeah. I already got a man for that.
Leonard: Yeah, you do.

Quote from the episode The Tam Turbulence

Leonard: I still can't believe Sheldon had a best friend we've never heard about.
Raj: Ooh, somebody's jealous.
Leonard: I'm not jealous.
Howard: Leonard, this is a safe space. It's okay to be vulnerable.
Leonard: All I'm saying is you know the timing of a fellow's bowel movements, you don't think there's a lot left to discover.

Quote from the episode The Tam Turbulence

Howard: Wow. I wonder what that guy could've done to make Sheldon not talk to him for 20 years.
Leonard: I wonder if it'd work a second time.

Quote from the episode The Tam Turbulence

Amy: Hey, did you guys know that Sheldon had a best friend growing up named Tam?
Leonard: Was that the imaginary talking koala?
Amy: No. He's a real person who apparently betrayed him.
Leonard: Yeah, so did the koala.

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Leonard: Are you gonna tell me where we're going? Because if it has the words "farmers" or "market" in it, I don't want to go.

Quote from the episode The Procreation Calculation

Leonard: "How are you with pets?" Well, I did take care of Sheldon for 15 years, and he only bit me twice.

Showing quotes 16 to 30 of 1,153Sort by  popularity | date added | episode